Dr. Stanford Pines (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
meteorman) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
kingdomcomes2017-11-21 05:18 pm
meteorman) wrote in kingdomcomes2017-11-21 05:18 pm
i worked really hard to think up a pasta pun and couldn't figure one out i'm sorry
Who: A very friendly tentacle monster and YOU!
What: A magical disaster that needs some very sexy cleanup. I'll be npcing the monster from Ford's account because I'm lazy, and there will be a top level for him below!
When: Now!
Where: The village.
Warnings: Again, I refer you to the 'who'. The tentacle monster is a reasonable writhing mass of appendages however, and it can tell the difference between a hard no and 'oh noooo there is a tentacle slithering up my leg whatever shall I dooooo'. No noncon here.
At about three in the afternoon a particular magic shop in the village explodes. The cloud of pink and purple smoke is visible from the other side of town, and even after it starts to fade it's clear that something is going on over there. From a distance it looks sort of like the buildings in that area are being grown over at an alarming rate by thick, purple vines. Maybe some wizard was watering his potted ivy and it got really out of hand?
Those who investigate will discover this is not remotely the case, because this is the world of Oglaf and why would it ever be the non-sexy option. As they get closer and closer to the epicenter, marked by the last remains of that cloud of smoke, they'll find what looked like vines from a distance are actually flesh and not plant matter. They're a warm purple color, pinker at the tips, and smooth and featureless. They curl through cobblestones and over (and through) buildings and they grow at a leisurely pace, slow but still visible if you watch for long enough.
That is until they come within a couple yards of a person. Then they change their growth from 'outward, on a nice stroll' to 'in that direction, and fast'. Bigger tentacles will join the scouts, and the whole mess will get pretty grabby. They can be convinced to let go easily (a firm 'no' or 'stop that' works pretty well, despite them not having any visible way to hear it) but they don't seem to be interested in anything too risqué... or at least not more risqué than some friendly groping. Instead they will mainly gently nudge their 'victim' in toward where they're coming from, which is the wreckage of what used to be a wizard's shop. The biggest tentacles of all are the ones here at the source, and many of these ones have features that are a little more recognizable. There's basically a bunch of dildos and fleshlights on the ends, and they're all a bright friendly pink and want to get to know you! That's their job, after all. As the very frazzled wizard will tell you (between batting away a tentacle attempting to give him what seems to be a reassuring pat on the shoulder), this was supposed to result in something much, uh, smaller. For personal use. He got some math wrong and now it won't go away until it's done its job, possibly to the whole town.
Wanna help?
What: A magical disaster that needs some very sexy cleanup. I'll be npcing the monster from Ford's account because I'm lazy, and there will be a top level for him below!
When: Now!
Where: The village.
Warnings: Again, I refer you to the 'who'. The tentacle monster is a reasonable writhing mass of appendages however, and it can tell the difference between a hard no and 'oh noooo there is a tentacle slithering up my leg whatever shall I dooooo'. No noncon here.
At about three in the afternoon a particular magic shop in the village explodes. The cloud of pink and purple smoke is visible from the other side of town, and even after it starts to fade it's clear that something is going on over there. From a distance it looks sort of like the buildings in that area are being grown over at an alarming rate by thick, purple vines. Maybe some wizard was watering his potted ivy and it got really out of hand?
Those who investigate will discover this is not remotely the case, because this is the world of Oglaf and why would it ever be the non-sexy option. As they get closer and closer to the epicenter, marked by the last remains of that cloud of smoke, they'll find what looked like vines from a distance are actually flesh and not plant matter. They're a warm purple color, pinker at the tips, and smooth and featureless. They curl through cobblestones and over (and through) buildings and they grow at a leisurely pace, slow but still visible if you watch for long enough.
That is until they come within a couple yards of a person. Then they change their growth from 'outward, on a nice stroll' to 'in that direction, and fast'. Bigger tentacles will join the scouts, and the whole mess will get pretty grabby. They can be convinced to let go easily (a firm 'no' or 'stop that' works pretty well, despite them not having any visible way to hear it) but they don't seem to be interested in anything too risqué... or at least not more risqué than some friendly groping. Instead they will mainly gently nudge their 'victim' in toward where they're coming from, which is the wreckage of what used to be a wizard's shop. The biggest tentacles of all are the ones here at the source, and many of these ones have features that are a little more recognizable. There's basically a bunch of dildos and fleshlights on the ends, and they're all a bright friendly pink and want to get to know you! That's their job, after all. As the very frazzled wizard will tell you (between batting away a tentacle attempting to give him what seems to be a reassuring pat on the shoulder), this was supposed to result in something much, uh, smaller. For personal use. He got some math wrong and now it won't go away until it's done its job, possibly to the whole town.
Wanna help?
i mean glass houses and all
Ma'am, I don't judge. Couldn't be in this business if I did.
[The more you protest the less he's going to believe you aren't responsible for some of this weird junk, Yenh. The weird junk itself just keeps wiggling jovially around, apparently unaware that anybody is annoyed with its presence, or at least determined not to let that get it down.]
no one fucks in them?
[Out of pure curiosity, she reaches out toward the bizarre tentacle. Her movement is ginger, as though she expects it to catch fire suddenly.]
AND THEY SHOULD seriously stop cockblocking the rest of us
What good is a glass house otherwise!!
[ Part of her also shouts that this is a demon and she should defeat it— but by that same logic, the only way to help anyone without her combat prowess is to... hm. ]
[ A catlady peacefully contemplating being horny while surrounded by tentacles/dicks. ]
no subject
The wizard looks between her, the tentacles, and sighs. His shop's already a mess. If this happens it happens and he'll just fucking deal with it. He's just gonna exit stage left before he gets hit by any of the splashback, thank you very much.
The tentacles, meanwhile, are getting some mixed signals. They can feel arousal, which is good because that's what they're supposed to produce. So everything is going according to plan, except that she seems a little reticent?
So clearly the solution is to present her with other options. In addition to the pointed, segmented one she's petting, a few others meander over. One is flared at the tip with noticeable ridges, while another is pointed and smooth with a pronounced knot a ways down the shaft. There are others, too, stranger and in all shapes, just about anything she might imagine. Surely one will be cool enough to overcome her uncertainty? It's already keyed in on the non-human shape being part of what's got her interested, though, so there aren't any 'normal' ones. It really is doing about as well as an overgrown fuckspell can.]