kingdomcomes | THE FUNWORM'S DOWNFALL

It’s a cool, crisp night when the village effectively casts their chosen Off-worlders into the deep end. They have been picked for their strength (although, given that they’re untested, you could probably say the villagers picked based on who looks like they’d do a good job) and their skill.

The Off-Worlders set off into the outskirts of the draining, ongoing festivities and find the Fun Camp just in front of the forests. They’ve managed to establish a sturdy, little living space within the week. Anyone would think they’re planning to be here for a long time. The tents are surrounded by high fences, erected while everyone was getting drunk and smashing pissers.

There are two entrances to the camp, both guarded by stern looking monks. Your task is to approach them and take them on by your ideal means necessary.

[OOC: Starters posted below are open to the four characters chosen for each role! NPCs will be threading out each interaction. Please contact the mods if you have any questions!]

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Todrick the Fun Monk looks less than impressed. The night shifts are long, boring and largely uneventful. Everyone is pretty much completely fucked up by the Funworm and their own indulgence. He’s not really worried about fending off a bunch of drunkards, so don’t be too surprised when he folds his arms over his chest and raises a brow upon approach.

“Yeah, look. This is Monk property. We’re kind of particular about who treads on holy ground here, so feel free to fuck off.”

He shrugs, staring down the two contenders in front of him. They might look menacing, he’s not really concerned.

“Plus, we have a password.”

Really, John doesn't want to be violent, exactly. It's not really his jam to go out and just start hitting people over the head for no reason. But he feels like he has to do something if people are dying, and this is all he really knows how to do. He was hoping he could come and talk some sense into these monks, but it sounds like this one doesn't want to talk. He has his hand on Fear No Anvil's handle, all the same.

"So, what, if we guess the password, will you let us in?"

That's how it works, right?

Luckily, Todrick has an extremely punchable face. It's been that way as long as he can remember. Since he was a young boy, hitting other boys with sticks. Currently, his lips are pulled back in an ugly sneer.

The.. impressive hammer in John's hand catches his attention, but John's confused, baby-face eases any concerns he had over being pummeled to the ground with it.

"You'll never guess it." Which seems to suggest that, yes. John can try to guess the password. "But you only get three tries before I get bored."

"Alright..." John scratches his chin with his free hand, and gosh darn it he's putting some real thought into this! If he was some weird monk in the service of some... weird worm. Thing.

Murder worm. Monks. Murder worm. Monks.

"Is the password... dirt?"

The monk stares with his unimpressed expression as John puts on his contemplative one. Then, he speaks, and the monk furrows his brows in irritation.

"Dirt? Fucking dirt? What is wrong with you?" He shakes his head. "Two more tries, asshole."

"At least I'm not the one working for a worm, buddy." It's the only comeback he can really think of. He's really hung up on this worm business. Jeez, it could be anything though, and he's thinking that brute force guessing isn't going to get him anywhere, even if he had unlimited chances.

But he really, really wants to settle this amicably.

"How about, tomfoolery?"

"At least I'm not trying to fuck the worm." He snaps back, totally misunderstanding why John is here at all. Besides, he doesn't work for the worm, he's using the worm. There's such a big difference, John could not comprehend.

"It's better than your last shitty guess, but it's still garbage. One more try until your ass is grass. Or just gone."

Okay. Alright, okay. John has tried to humor this for as long as he can. He can take a good bit of japery, some shenanigans here and there. He'd accounted for more than his fair share of tomfoolery in his lifetime thus far, but this is starting to irritate him just enough that he's sort of Done with it.

"Yeah, I'm just gonna go in and take care of this worm or whatever." And, without any further pretense, makes his way to push past the monk.

Yeah, Kaph is just about as interested in cooperating with the nerdy-looking guy with the hammer as he is interested in taking any approach that doesn't involve completely dominating these jackasses.

He doesn't appear to have any weapons on him, but... he takes a stealthy look around. Having been in a few messy brawls in his life, he's had some practice in spotting weapons he can improvise out of his surroundings.

"Oh yeah? I don't suppose the password is 'password', now is it?"

"Ha ha." Todrick's voice is entirely flat, as is his expression. Maybe a little exasperated, but only because he really just wants to get back to doing fuck all.

"You have two more guesses, jackass. Hope you fuck them up that bad again so you can piss off."

"Wow, a little on edge, aren't you?"

He moves around to the side a little, trying to make it look like an idle motion, when he is, in fact, still on the lookout for something to grab. These idiots have partied hard enough that somebody's bound to have dropped something nearby, right? An empty bottle, heck, maybe a wooden plank somewhere for God knows what reason...

"Let's seeeeee... I bet you're too smart for the password to be 'fun' either, am I right? You guys sure have some impenetrable defenses here!"

There is a lot of garbage and rocks in the surrounding area that can be grabbed. Like hell Todrick is on the cleaning committee, he's just here to be a sour puss. He does it well, at least, to the very end.

"You would be too if idiots came up to you every night trying to get into the tent to fuck the worm." He gives Kaphlar a suspicious look, as if he believes that fucking the worm is his intention tonight.

"The password isn't.. Well. Fuck. It is, but you know what? You're still not getting in."

"Wait, what?"

Really? The password is fun. The secret password to the lair of the Fun Cult, who is behind the Funworm, is FUN.

"Really."

Kaphlar advances forward, glancing casually at the ground. He sees something - something potentially deadly, magic notwithstanding, but... Shrug. If these guys are gonna be like this, then they pretty much deserve it anyway.

"I guess you guys are just real idiots, then." He's barely done speaking when he bends down, grabs a broken glass bottle, and swings it at the cultist's head.

"Yes." Todrick says flatly, in a way that implies he finds the whole thing just as stupid and ridiculous. Yet, he's loyal enough to keep trying to stop this guy from getting in, because he's not budging from the doorway.

He's never really been violently accosted before, in such a desperate attempt to fuck the worm. Most people just come here, get their jollies from harassing him and leave.

So, he totally doesn't expect that bottle to the head, and he goes down like a shittily constructed house of cards under a light breeze. He grunts in distress and props himself up, using one hand to gingerly touch the side of his head and wince.

"What the fuck was that for?"

For a guy in such a sour mood, this cultist sure just took that hit much better than Kaph was expecting.

Now he's just sort of... limply holding the bottle, and staring at him in a way that probably isn't all that different from how the cultist's been staring at him.

"It's so you'll let me in, you moron. What the hell do you think?"

THE FUNWORM'S DOWNFALL

VIOLENT MONK - for John and Kaphlar

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