INTRO LOG ☆ WELCOME TO THE KINGDOM

[loveskulls]

☆DAY ONE | THE GRAND ENTRANCE☆

When you awaken after a nice, long, deep sleep (facilitated by some herbs burning in the fireplace, perhaps) you have made your choice. When you exit your room, you’ll see a signpost in the middle of the corridor that you didn’t notice before. There are three signs, all pointing in different directions, with the words “Apprentices”,”Guards” and “Etc” on their own sign.

Potential Apprentices will head towards the very hall they entered just last night. The Mistress isn’t here this time. In her place there is a table and a long, open scroll of parchment with the words “APPRENTICE CONTRACT” written at the very top and a small, near indiscernible paragraph of what looks to be legal jargon under it. The only other obviously readable words say “SIGN HERE”. A quill and ink lies next to the parchment for this very purpose. Whether you linger to read the entire thing before you sign or simply sign, it doesn’t matter. If you get cold feet, you can leave. If you sign, a soldier will push yet another tome into your hands.

The tome contains a short, congratulatory spiel about the honor of being an Apprentice and proceeds to go into great detail about duties that sound an awful lot like castle maintenance. There’s talk of polishing knobs, sweeping corridors, wiping windows and mopping up after orgies but very little is said about magic.

It advises you to check the notice boards in the library at least once a month to accomplish tasks and earn coins. In the back of the book is a map that marks the important locations within the castle (including the location of your lovely, new room) and a sparse map of the kingdom. Think scribbles with “forest goes here” scrawled over the top.

Potential guards head into the courtyard, where a table is set up and surrounded by a small group of current guards. The table has a banner pinned to it that reads “GUARD SIGN-UPS” and upon approaching the table, you will be asked to beat one of the current guards in hand to hand combat. When that has been accomplished, they will ask about your previous experience with protective services, your experience with weapons and offer you the job. If you fail, you’ll be turned away (you also run the risk of being laughed out of the courtyard without a chance to prove yourself).

Upon signing up, a guard will take you on a tour of the castle, walking you through the barracks, the halls, the corridors and a few of the short cuts. You will be given a map, a weapon and taken to a nurse to unlock one of your powers (if you have one). Of course, you are warned of the consequences of misusing any of these privileges. Death, torture and a life spent in a prison cell are distinct possibilities.

They urge you to check the notice boards frequently for odd jobs to complete for extra spending money and shadow you while you try on your shiny, new uniform and tour the castle. You’ll be shadowed for about a week on duty before the guards get bored and let you do your own thing.

Finally, the et cetera. The last lot. You take your pride, your clothes and whatever you can fit in your pockets and you march with purpose (probably) toward your designated route. Maybe you’re angry, maybe you’re expecting a fight, maybe you’re getting fired up and ready to fight off anyone who tries to stop you.

You’ll be disappointed.

The corridor leads you to a very normal looking door that just...opens. Amazing. You step out of the castle and into the mud. It was raining, after all. There’s a guard there, waiting to escort you into the village. It’s about a ten minute trudge through the mud, and they lead you past beautiful towers, decent cottages and toward some worn down, empty shacks. One of these lovely hovels is yours to keep, and there’s even a little bit of food there for you.

You won’t get told anything about jobs or notice boards by the guard. Once they’ve dropped you off, that’s all the guard is obligated to do.

Snooping around the village will find you a notice board with jobs posted on it and information about some sort of tri-weekly market is readily available. If you want a job you’ll have to canvas, just like the good old days. The good news is that despite Mistress’ tyranny, the economy is pretty good. Many taverns, inns, apothecaries and brothels are hiring.

☆DAY TWO | THE FESTIVAL OF THE FOOL☆
The Off-Worlders have arrived at an opportune time, this month. People in the village might notice a hustle and bustle around them. Poles are mounted, banners are raised, euphemisms are crafted and everyone seems to be getting ready for something.

You don’t need to ask what it is, at first, because the banners indicate that it it’s April Fools. A little late in the month for it, you might think, but the occasion is celebrated for almost an entire month in this little Kingdom. After all, the Mistress does dearly love an opportunity to unleash malicious humor.

Thankfully, the festivities here are far from malicious. There’s food, drink, music and dancing all around town. Everyone is dressed in bright, colourful clothing and costumes and the Off-Worlders are encouraged to dance and celebrate alongside them. Cream pies, enchanted hand buzzers, the ol’ switcharoo with various possessions and other fairly lame pranks are standard.

Apprentices, guards and even outlier scum are encouraged to participate freely in the festival. It will be a week long binge of FUN.

-Food stalls provide free drinks of all flavours (some of which providing new sensations or strange tingles), cakes and baked goods (some of which are provided by the Fuck Bakery: Cakes that Make you Want to Fuck). It’s hard to differentiate the enhanced food from the regular food, but Off-Worlders will soon figure out that many people have a penchant for aphrodisiacs, enhancers and drugs in their food.

-Hookah pipes with many flavours to partake in, within silk tents amongst silk pillows for getting reeealllll comfortable. The warm, fruity scents are alluring and can have aphrodisiac-like effects if inhaled for long enough. They also lower the inhibitions and calm the mind, making everyone in the tent more open to suggestion.

-Jelly wrestling for prizes (of which you are free to take liberties) and shoulder wrestling for prizes (of which you are also free to take liberties) along with other familiar carnival games with erotic twists. Bobbing for candy dicks, pin the bikini on the nude girl, cock rodeos and extremely violent games of whack-a-mole.

-The brothels are in full force. Girls in ridiculous, skimpy costumes (think octopus, jesters or plague doctors) are outside selling their wares, they’re just too tempting to resist.

-Most exciting of all is the Fun Worm, who makes his way through the whole festival. He looks like six or so villagers under a really shitty costume, but it doesn’t seem to bother anyone. On closer inspection, you will be lured in by the fun pheromones and powerless to resist them. Inhaling fun pheromones forces a big, cheesy grin on your face. Suddenly, fun is the objective and your inhibitions are severely lowered for an hour or so. He’s constantly cycling around the festival, so it’s hard to avoid him. What’s important to note is that the Fun Worm is a new addition, a gift from the travelling Fun Cult to enhance the festivities. The Fun Cult has brought fun and laughter to kingdoms far and wide, although those kingdoms became a lot less prosperous when their priorities shifted from trade and farming to jello shots and week long benders.

The festivities continue even through nightfall (lanterns will be lit, some of which float through the sky of their own accord, bonfires with incredible scents will be lit too) and will do so for the rest of the week.

Comments

[shymon]

[Day One]

The decision to become a guard came immediately after discovering that it came with the privilege of winning back a power. It's only been a day and Simon feels vulnerable without it. Being in a crazy new world with crazy people is new to him, but the general concept of weird stuff happening isn't. He wants to be prepared.

A fight, a struggle and a win later and he's signed up as a Guard. They show him around, fit him for a uniform and he's starting to have regrets. They show him to his bunk and he changes into it. Unwilling to expose himself to the world immediately, he dawdles in there for some time before he's asked to go out and watch the newcomers fumble through the day.

He tries his best to be confident in what seems to be cut-off shorts and a man sized corset, but eventually he makes the best of a bad situation and turns invisible. He positions himself outside the sign posts and watches for boisterous behaviour or confusion.

If someone lingers too long, he'll find the courage to turn himself visible again. He's perched up on a nearby windowsill, and the seriousness of his expression doesn't match his outfit.

"Are you having trouble picking?"

[Day Two]
Simon is given endless free time to explore the festival, but as a guard. He's asked to keep an eye on things, so the uniform is necessary. He manages to find a big, hooded cloak that covers most of his exposed skin, so he stands out as looking fairly drab in a group of colourful people.

He manages to have a drink in his hands at all times, so by mid-morning he's already getting a little tipsy. He should take it easy and sit down for a while, so he can be found relaxing in the hookah tents. It will take some encouragement to make him try it, but once he does he'll be more relaxed than he's ever been.

Pretty girls can convince him to try anything, so he's had a mix of booze and drinks with varying effects. From wanting to snog someone, hug someone to just a general, buzzed feeling all around.

[brokencode]

Day One

[Sliding into the role of an Apprentice only made sense to the siren. At best, it was training that she’d never had the chance to receive. At worst, it was a warm place to lay her head without laying her life on the line in turn. Even after signing, when her eyes swept over the contract and found nothing in particular hinting at her potential education, she could not bring herself to regret it.]

[She followed the map throughout the castle, trying and failing miserably to find her room. After getting turned around for the third time, Angel finally approached the nearest familiar face, clearing her throat as she did.]

Excuse me? Do you think you could help me make sense of this?

Day Two- General

[Angel had gone outside the next day, determined to explore in what she hoped would be relative peace. Not so much, it seemed, considering the festivities kicking off.]

[To say she was surprised by the nature of things (polishing doorknobs notwithstanding) would be a massive understatement. The sheer amount of both women and men, milling about in less than respectable states of attire, was enough to send a significant amount of heat to both her head and -- ]

[Well, a little further south.]

[The girl was careful to avoid the people, giving them a wide berth for fear of -- of what she couldn’t say. Unfortunately, one of these attempts sent her stumbling back into the weird looking worm-thing. Maybe she would have been embarrassed, if not for the abrupt wave of elation that swept through her.]

Day Two- Doughy encouragement.

[It wasn't hard to tell just how much more... liberated people were around these parts. Angel thought it odd, but she wasn't sure if it was just her, or if it was her sequestered upbringing talking. Whatever the reason, she'd felt somewhat... uneased since arriving in this odd place.]

[But maybe not for much longer.]

[She look a simple one, after inquiring as to the exact definition of "vanilla" and "missionary." It wasn't that sex was undesirable to her, just a little... odd. Anything to help her relax and ease into this strange new role she was playing.]

[At first, she thought the heat pooling in her gut was some sort of poison -- just fitting in a fantasy land such as this one. But judging by the knowing quirk of a brow on behalf of the woman, this was an intended effect, and not meant to be an unpleasant one.]

[Slipping away from the woman, Angel leaned against a wall, head in her hands as she tried to collect her thoughts and make sense of the odd ache between her thighs.]

[rockisdead]

Day One

[Alright, this is...hm. It's a little less colorful than the ghost zone is, but she can deal with the possibility of not being crammed into a thermos every few days or so. Besides, a world without that little meddling ghost freak would be a lot more fun to mess with, wouldn't it?

That is, if any of her abilities wanted to work.

Ember first tries phasing right out of the room when she first appears, and gets nothing. Then, she attempts singing to the guard as they bring her down to the village, and she just gets an odd look. It doesn't help that her hair gets snuffed out by the rain. So, you know what? Scratch all that positivity. This whole place freaking sucked.

She heads down to the village and wanders around a little, taking in her environment. Eventually, she just kind of stops and finds a nice spot against a building to people-watch. Crossing her arms, she watches as people go by, before calling out to another person.]

Yo, dipstick. Something about this place seem off to you? Besides the whole "trapped in the Dork Ages" thing.

Day Two

[ONCE A YEAR WE THROW A PARTY HERE IN TOWN, ONCE A YEAR SOMETHING SOMETHING UPSIDE DOWN...

Ember is pretty chill about this whole thing. She doesn't really enjoy crowds if they aren't screaming her praises, but she can indulge in a bit of hedonism once in a while, so it balances itself out well. She hasn't really needed to eat in a pretty long time, so she avoids the food stalls out of habit for now. But she does find herself in one of the the hookah tents pretty quickly.

Hard to break that habit.

Ember's going to lay back against some pillows, take the occasional puff, and cross her legs. She can appreciate that the vibe in here is decently chill. For now.]

[heirlift]

[ Day One]

[ The "interview" was easy. John finds that he hasn't gotten rusty in all his time on the new Earth, largely by way of trying to stave off the boredom. He's never actually wrestled with anyone outside of a fight for his life, but it comes surprisingly easy to him, and-- aw, heck. It's kind of fun. And if it gets him even one of his hammers back, he's all for it. Seems better than the alternatives.

What John doesn't find so easy is squeezing into the uniform. It's not that it doesn't fit him-- it's that it fits him too well. He wonders if he should have shaved his legs? He feels a little out of place among his lithe and athletic coworkers who, despite having already bested one in hand-to-hand combat, still strike him as the type who could crush his head between their thighs. He almost wonders if the guard he faced off again threw the fight just for an excuse to see him in these shorts... it seems to be a novelty, at best. Well... no harm, no foul.

He straps his hammer to his belt, and, ever the go-getter, elects into his very first task. It bills itself as an easy but dull job of monitoring a particular well-traversed hallway, far enough into the interior that it doesn't really see much excitement, but traveled enough that one needs to always be on alert, just in case.

God, he hates this uniform.

He can thank his lucky stars that it doesn't ride up on him as he makes his way to his post, trailed by another guard who's taken a weird interest in him. He's not sure of her intentions; he suspects she's really only interested in pranking him, somehow. He can sense it. With his prankster senses. Which just means that he'll have to prank her first to establish dominance. All the same, he's eager to greet anyone else who comes by, flashing a smile and giving a wave and hoping they stop to give him an excuse to put his attention elsewhere. ]


[ Day Two ]

[ Never say that John Egbert doesn't pick up quickly. He's still a little uneasy in the uniform, but a good 12 hours in it has sort of settled his nerves about being seen in public. At least he seems to... fit in. And the kind of attention it earns him is a little bit flattering, even if it's kind of embarrassing. By his second day, he's almost entirely rid himself of the urge to fidget with it, though a stiff breeze is still liable to set his hairs on end.

It's a good thing he doesn't know anyone here.

It also serves as a good excuse to stand back and just sort of watch the events of the festival unfold, one hand on the handle of his hammer as he leans against a pole. He's guarding it. He's guarding the pole. It's a very important job, someone's got to do it, etc. etc. But the fact is that he's not actually working at that very moment, which means that his attention is free to wander. And while he hasn't really bought into the culture here just yet... he's still a man in his early twenties. When woman half-dressed in all her finest silks struts by, exuding the air of confidence and the kind of expectant glances that says she expects to be seen, John can't help oblige.

And he can't help craning his neck a little as she rounds a corner.

And he can't help stumbling a little as the pole fails to support his awkward weight distribution, and he goes stumbling forward. If he's lucky, he'll land in the mud, but if he's unlucky, he'll land on someone else. Hopefully, with almost 200lbs of dude barreling into them, they won't both end up in the mud. ]

[geminated_man]

[Day One]

Rudy had been taking his time in getting up and out the door, preferring mostly to try and get just a little more sleep. But with all the racket, it looked as though that would not be happening, and begrudgingly, he shuffled himself out the door.

The decision had not been a difficult one, as Rudy preferred his life of leisure and enjoying his simple pleasures. The guard was not for him, certainly, as he rarely had any will to fight, and certainly none of the aptitude for defending a person or country or whatever the hell guards guarded from any threats. This all looked a bit like one of those shit Old Tyme festivals, and didn't castles usually fight armed soldiers and that? No thank you.

Then there was the apprentices. Rudy didn't know a lot about careers, but he knew that the word "Apprentice" generally came with a heaping spoonful of responsibilities and abuse from whichever highwayman or master that was being studied under, and work, like studying, was not in Rudy's purview of things he wanted to do with his time.

Gathering his things, Rudy shuffled out, curious and a bit nervous. What was he going to encounter? Where was this, exactly? What was he in for? The person waiting for him when the heavy door opened for him was a nice touch, but the chill of the air after the evening's rain hit him and blew right through him and his meager clothing. He had no idea where they were to be going, but he was eager to find out and actually have the opportunity to march on and explore his new home. The further through the town he was taken, the less nice things got, and the closer the forests approached. Maybe not choosing one of the offered careers was a death sentence, and he was going to be dragged out to the forest and left for wolves. Did they have wolves here? There was an old, familiar anxiety bubbling in his gut at this idea, but he pushed it down.

Finally, he was led not to the forest, but to a run-down little shack. It wasn't great, but it was... something, anyway.

"Well this is a bit shit, isn't it?" He asked, laughing and turning to the guard. The guard, however, had already turned and was already about fifteen feet back, clearly not interested in his banter. "Well fuck you too then. Prick." He huffed and took his things inside, setting out soon after to explore the little town and hopefully not get himself lost in the process.

[Day Two]

Now this was more like it.

The day had started far too early, with the noise of preparations having woken him from his sleep. He hadn't much of an idea of what to expect when he trudged through the town the day before, but whatever his expectations were, it really wasn't this. There were more colours and banners strewn about than he had ever seen before, and all manner of games and treats being offered from vendors. And Rudy, never one to pay for anything he didn't have to, happily took sample after sample of drink and pastry.

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea. But he wasn't the only one partaking, either. And who knows? Maybe the right smile to the right girl with the right amount of cakes and alcohol in her system might just turn this whole experience into an incredible one.

[frenzies]

DAY ONE

Okay, this is fucked up.

Alisha's seen plenty of fucked up, so much weird and crazy shit that can't possibly be real, and yet this takes the cake. But all of that—the time travel, the superpowers—all of that is the reason she's not convinced this is a dream, or a hallucination, or drug trip gone bad. No, Alisha can tell, with a certainty that startles even her, that this whole thing—this, this apprentice, Mistress, medieval bullshit—is very much real.

It fucking sucks.

There was no way in hell she was going to let some pyscho bitch order her around, and she's not cut out to be a guard, so Alisha finds herself cast out and shown to a shitty little shack on the edge of town—if you can call it town. And she guesses that this is just going to have to cut it. She's a strong girl. She's hacked it on her own plenty of times before. She's had it rough. She can find a job in some shitty bar. That's the thing—no matter where you go, everyone likes to drink, and everyone likes a girl with big tits.

Speaking of which...people are staring as she passes, searching out somewhere to find work. She sneers at the nearest, her bamboo hoops dangling from her ears.

"The fuck you starin' at?"

DAY TWO

This is more her speed. Or, well, it would be, except it takes her a good long while to figure out her power is gone, and even though she's ecstatic about that, it still feels wrong to just jump into the fray of alcohol-fueled fucking and non-stop partying. She's still in mourning; she's still reeling from the loss of Simon. Future- and present-Simons, actually, as far as she can tell. It would feel wrong to enjoy herself too much...wouldn't it?

But then again, what could a few jello shots hurt?

After a little while, she loosens up; she drapes herself against a wall and nurses a drink and tries to fight the overwhelming urge to join in the festivities, which range from silly to very salacious. And with a little cajoling, well, she might be willing to join in. To cut loose a little. After all, it's not entirely her fault. Those pheromones are starting to hit her pretty damn hard.

[hauntpadour]

Day one

It's miserable out here. He's been launched, somehow, into the... what, the middle ages? Some King-Arthur fairytale?

At least he automatically has a place to stay. Even if it's warmer in the castle, magic is hoo-ha and he's not going to entertain it. He'd debunk the whole thing right now if he had any of his equipment. But it was gone, all gone, and that was almost more distressing than being in a strange place with no reason why and no contact from the other members of his team.

The shack is more than a little bit depressing, so he'll walk right out and look for a job. Something with "science" and "supernatural" or some form of that in the title. The apothecary seems the closest to what he can work with.

So here he comes, 'magic', traditional medicine is on its way.

Day two

This is an extremely strange place. It's like living in a Tolkein novel, or at least what he's heard about them. There were never really his thing.

But, at the very least they have sugar. With what little spending cash he'd picked up yesterday, Egon got a bag of pastries, picking the powdered confections out one at a time and eating them as he examined the stalls.

And then the worm comes through, and he gets a whiff as it goes rumbling by, an enormous grin slowly splitting his face. What is he doing in this shirt? The weather is way too nice, the festivities too enticing, he has no reason to be stuffy.

Between the cakes and the fun pheremones, Egon has gotten a double dose. He's dancing right along with the nearest musician, the slightly slow and wobbly dance of someone who doesn't do it often and isn't very good. But he's trying, and that's what counts, reaching out to the nearest person. "Care to dance?"

[rennotrin]

Day One

When morning comes, Ren doesn't take more than his old clothes (worn again now that they're dry,) and the fresh change of them, because, honestly, he needs more than one set of clothes! And they fit, so there. Plus, worst case scenario, he has scrap material with which to carry more things. Without any fanfare, he heads right out the door to leave, and silently follows the guard leading him to his new home. Sure, it's a shitty shack, but it shouldn't be too hard to fix up if he needs to, and a roof over his head is better than none. He thanks them for guiding him, even if they don't reply.

Once he gets a good scope of what he's working with in there, and takes some of the food (that's somehow still safe to eat, nice!) in order to nibble on as he heads into the town proper. After arriving, he can be found at the notice boards to see which jobs are hiring. Honestly? The one that draws his eye the most is the brothel. Where he came from, these sorts of establishments were outlawed (though still existent,) and it might be fun? Maybe. He'll have to scope that out first. See how it operates, and if it'll be any fun to work that line.

If nothing else, he could hit up something more mundane. Working at an inn might not be too bad. But unless there's a surplus of random people wanting help with things, he realizes that he may have to not be so flighty with how he works.


Day Two - Hookah an' Chill

Earlier in the day, Ren can be found in one of the silky hookah tents. While he isn't smoking anything directly, he is enjoying the smoke that others exhale. High as a kite in a breeze, Ren is sprawled out among some of the pillows, cheeks flushed in lazy pleasure. He has tried inhaling it directly once he was relaxed enough, but it's a no go when his lungs rebel with a coughing fit. So he's just happy to lay there even when the people he's with leave, leaving him alone in the still smoke-filled tent. It's nice. He almost sleeps, but doesn't.

Instead, the next person he sees enter the tent (or even just peek in,) he sidles up to them.

"Hey there! Wanna join me?"


Day Two - Hot for Doc

The workers of the brothel are really, really hard to resist. Torn between asking one for company (but, he reminds himself, he has no money,) and asking to be part of such a thing, as a test drive (because hell, those plague doctor costumes are hot, okay?) he finds himself staring a bit too much.

A lot too much. Enough so that he wigs himself out after a few minutes (if only because staring so much has gotten him hard as a rock,) and does his best to make a hasty retreat. Right. He'll ask about it later. Later.

For now, he decides to look for others to, well, help him out. Starting with the people near the fuck cakes stand (ones that have probably already gotten cake.) He had good luck last time, so maybe he'll have good luck this time!

Seeing someone, he very gently taps them on the shoulder (or, if he's too short to reach, their arm.)

"Hey, s'cuse me, do you have a bit of time to spare?"

[ignisvulpes]

Day One

Well, Kaph tried to read the contract, but now he's three lines into this paragraph and he figures he's got the gist of it. It's not like all the legal mumbo-jumbo really matters to him; he's never let the law tie him down and he's not going to start now. His signature is just a formality - or, more accurately, just a tiny little step on his way to regaining his former glory.

Then he gets the book. Then he opens it. Then he squints harder and harder at the seemingly endless list of menial tasks that await him.

"You know, this kind of strikes me as complete bullshit! Anyone hear what I'm saying? Anybody?"

It's not entirely clear whether he's trying to complain at the nearby soldiers or just grab the attention of whoever happens to be walking by.

Day Two

The next day, it looks like Kaph has decided to start the festivities by yelling at the owner of a candy dick stall.

"Sorry, what?" In fact, he's leaning so close to the poor man that it kind of looks like the only reason he hasn't grabbed him by the collar and started shaking him down yet is because his hands are firmly planted on the counter. "Who the hell do you think I am? How dare you suggest even for a second that I'd put my mouth on one of those things?! You think I look like that kinda guy, huh? Well, let me tell you, pal, your business is going down! You aren't getting a single customer! Look--"

Suddenly, he turns to the nearest passerby. If they're male, he'll pull them in with no warning and say, "Hey, you! Can you believe this guy? He thinks he can make dudes humiliate themselves just for a cheap-ass trinket!"

If they're female, he'll hesitate... but then he'll glance at the stall's owner and say, "I bet even a chick wouldn't do it unless she wanted to look like a slut."

Day 2 stuff only dudes

[shenunigans]

The decision to leave the castle comes so quickly, Dave might as well have left that night. The rain outside and the warmth of the fireplace, however, kept him for a few hours. He can be a strong, independent man later, when the sky loses its incontinence.

He sets up in his shack, and he accepts the fact that he'll probably die here, because he doesn't know the first thing about fending for himself as far as hunting and gathering goes. Lucky for him, he doesn't have to wait long before the festival sets up for the day. The smell of food cooking is what lures Dave in, and it's not long before he's hovering around being anything but discerning about what he samples.

[Shopping.]
Dave has no money to speak of, but that doesn't mean he can't window shop. He doesn't know anything about this place or the people in it, so he might as well gather whatever kind of intel he can from their wares.

He's getting a..very particular vibe here. A phallic one. It's a Freudian field day out here. He wonders if flashing nip is enough to buy anything he might have his eye on, then reminds himself that he'd probably rather starve and die than show off a pasty, little chest bump for free shit.

Up until now, he's been pretty good at not touching all of the dope, enchanted doohickies all up in the markets, but something impressive catches his eye. It's a blown glass horse dildo covered in colours and patterns the likes of which he's never seen. He can't help but pick it up and try to look down it, as if it's a kaleidoscope or some shit. While peering through one end to the other, he catches sight of the sign behind the dildo's mount.

Fit this up your ass, win it for free. He repeats it to himself, processes, and suddenly the dildo is falling from his hands to the cobblestone as he looks horrified. He's looking from his hands, to the shopkeep, to the ground as if he'll find an answer.

"Do you have any magic hand-sanitizer behind there or did I just catch an STD?" He asks, as if he didn't just break the merch. When the shopkeep expresses his displeasure (menacingly) Dave realises just how much he fucked up.

"April fools?" He makes jazz hands, for emphasis. No dice. "No?" Nope. He'll glance around for help, but if he doesn't find any in time.. well. He's the newest clerk of Heedsworth's Fucktiques, with a snazzy apron featuring a colourful dick on the front.

He can't help you, he has no idea why he's here.

[Fuck cakes.]
Free food is free food. Free food shoved under your nose by attractive people is even better. Dave doesn't ask what anything is before he eats it, he's going purely by smell and by the fact that it's being offered to him.

Eventually, a weird tingle sets in and starts to pool in his gut. It's starting to feel similar to the beginnings of a boner and also kind of like he wants to take his pants off. Don't mind him if he's just going to shove his way to the nearest stall to grab a drink of whatever to wash away the feeling before he starts muttering to himself, as he tends to do.

"I feel like the kid who ate three corn dogs, candy floss and a bag of popcorn and got on the drop tower." He rubs his tummy idly, even though the feeling is pleasant and warm and not at all like the sensation you feel before you blow chunks.

[maledictus_semper]

[Day one]

"Sign Here." Ardyn's eyes scan the page, as he eventually signs the long scroll of parchment and hopes something good will come out of it. He was now an Apprentice; a man who had to do a lot of polishing knobs it seemed. The question was; what kind of knobs was the scroll referring to? Ardyn couldn't help but smirk at the dirty thoughts whirring around in his mind, as he made his way away from the table.

"I do hope these knobs open up doors of opportunity for me." He wiped the front of his clothes down, frowning slightly at the choice of garb. He was missing his treasured black fedora and fancy laced clothing from back home. The clothes here were suiting but not much to his fancy tastes.

"The question is; what do we do now?"



[Day Two:]

Hookah pipes:

The smell was almost overpowering, as Ardyn explored the various tents containing the scented pipes. Various exotic scents invaded his nostrils causing him not once but twice to just gaze into space with just how powerful they were. They were also offering up interesting sensations around his....lower area. Were they causing him to become aroused? An aphrodisiac? Surely not! Yet, it seemed his cheeks were redder than usual, sporting a nice shade of rosy pink, near enough to match his deep wine-coloured hair. His amber eyes brighter than usual, due to the extra testosterone flooding his bloodstream.

"Oh my, such powerful scents."


Brothels:

Being a man of knowledge and learning, Ardyn wandered into a place where new things could be learnt; a brothel. New positions anyone? He wasn't a shy man and now the Chancellor of Niflheim was making his way past many alluring women and men to situated himself in the best possible position to stand and look at everyone. He wanted a good look. Perhaps, he wanted people to notice him too. It could work both ways and he knew it.

"Such beauty. It would be a shame to waste it."