Kaphlar Kinra (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ignisvulpes) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
kingdomcomes2017-08-10 07:57 pm
ignisvulpes) wrote in kingdomcomes2017-08-10 07:57 pm
Entry tags:
[open] Step one: stop lying.
Who: Kaphlar Kinra and you!
What: Lying, questing and shenanigans.
When: (waves hands vaguely) August
Where: Around the village (+ one bonus journal post)
Warnings: Kaph is an asshole. Will edit as needed.
A. Failed step one
[Not long after last month's feast, a nonchalantly-penned message appears on everyone's journals.]
I'm sorry to say that, thanks to a spell placed on me, I'll only be able to talk to lovely ladies for the near future, and not guys. [And then there's a sloppy drawing of a face crying a single tear.] Face to face, I mean. As you can see, I can still write just fine!
Anyway, now you know. Sorry if I end up giving you the cold shoulder on the street, yeah, guys? Nothing I can do about it!
[Heterosexuality secured.]
B. Continued failure
[Hahaha, a yodeling cow, he said. How hard could it be, he said. Fuck whatever past Kaph said to himself.
He was quick to formulate a plan, but being unable to buy resources just for this - he doesn't want to think of how he might be able to go to a shop and ask for a gag with the curse he's under, let alone how easily the sentence "Yeah, buddy, I need a gag for this cow" could be misinterpreted - Kaph just brought some of the shittier blankets from his room. Mostly the ones that were already dirty and he didn't feel like putting through the laundry. You'll be put to a good use, shitty blankets.
As it turns out, he forgot how big cows are, as well as how strong, especially when compared to him.
Currently, he can be found either:
- mounting the cow as she tries to shake him off, holding on to dear life by nothing but the blankets he's tried tying around her mouth;
- still holding on to those goddamn blankets, but this time he's tried stuffing them into the cow's mouth and now he's just being dragged across the ground;
- or tangled up on the stupid goddamn filthy blankets while the cow peacefully munches on some grass a few feet away.
In any case, all he can do is grunt and scream wordlessly.]
C. A way with words
[Hey, you know what's way easier and less painful than being trampled by a stinky cow? Writing euphemisms. Right now, Kaph is sitting on some stone steps in a livelier part of the village, letting himself be inspired by what he sees - he looks at a girl passing by, sees what comes to mind, and writes it down if it seems like Pure Gold, which, as far as he's concerned, is what all his words are.
"I'd stick my bread in her oven."
"I'd let her churn my butter."
"Her juice and my batter..."
... No, that one might be too much. Also, is he hungry or something?? Oh shit, nice tits at 12 o' clock.
"Let me have a taste of that good fruit,babe"
He makes a note on a different scrap of paper: "Look up local harvest goddess or whatever."
Whenever a man passes by, particularly an attractive one? He averts his eyes and focuses on what he's written, perhaps a bit too intently.]
What: Lying, questing and shenanigans.
When: (waves hands vaguely) August
Where: Around the village (+ one bonus journal post)
Warnings: Kaph is an asshole. Will edit as needed.
A. Failed step one
[Not long after last month's feast, a nonchalantly-penned message appears on everyone's journals.]
I'm sorry to say that, thanks to a spell placed on me, I'll only be able to talk to lovely ladies for the near future, and not guys. [And then there's a sloppy drawing of a face crying a single tear.] Face to face, I mean. As you can see, I can still write just fine!
Anyway, now you know. Sorry if I end up giving you the cold shoulder on the street, yeah, guys? Nothing I can do about it!
[Heterosexuality secured.]
B. Continued failure
[Hahaha, a yodeling cow, he said. How hard could it be, he said. Fuck whatever past Kaph said to himself.
He was quick to formulate a plan, but being unable to buy resources just for this - he doesn't want to think of how he might be able to go to a shop and ask for a gag with the curse he's under, let alone how easily the sentence "Yeah, buddy, I need a gag for this cow" could be misinterpreted - Kaph just brought some of the shittier blankets from his room. Mostly the ones that were already dirty and he didn't feel like putting through the laundry. You'll be put to a good use, shitty blankets.
As it turns out, he forgot how big cows are, as well as how strong, especially when compared to him.
Currently, he can be found either:
- mounting the cow as she tries to shake him off, holding on to dear life by nothing but the blankets he's tried tying around her mouth;
- still holding on to those goddamn blankets, but this time he's tried stuffing them into the cow's mouth and now he's just being dragged across the ground;
- or tangled up on the stupid goddamn filthy blankets while the cow peacefully munches on some grass a few feet away.
In any case, all he can do is grunt and scream wordlessly.]
C. A way with words
[Hey, you know what's way easier and less painful than being trampled by a stinky cow? Writing euphemisms. Right now, Kaph is sitting on some stone steps in a livelier part of the village, letting himself be inspired by what he sees - he looks at a girl passing by, sees what comes to mind, and writes it down if it seems like Pure Gold, which, as far as he's concerned, is what all his words are.
"I'd stick my bread in her oven."
"I'd let her churn my butter."
"Her juice and my batter..."
... No, that one might be too much. Also, is he hungry or something?? Oh shit, nice tits at 12 o' clock.
"Let me have a taste of that good fruit,
He makes a note on a different scrap of paper: "Look up local harvest goddess or whatever."
Whenever a man passes by, particularly an attractive one? He averts his eyes and focuses on what he's written, perhaps a bit too intently.]
no subject
I've taken scoundrels to bed, but you'll have to earn it. Without your lies, preferably.
no subject
Comparing me to an ordinary scoundrel? Now I really do feel hurt. Almost.
no subject
Oh, no no no. How cruel you may or may not be doesn't impress me. I'd much rather take a dozen bumbling virgin allies to bed than one supremely talented villain.
You'll have to make me want it. And meanwhile- [She gives his testes a small squeeze—nothing exactly painful, but the pressure in her grip makes it very clear exactly how strong she actually is.] -I'm going to keep my eye on you.
no subject
Scoundrel or not, you'll see I'm in no way ordinary. [He winks.] Careful with all that talk, though! Wouldn't want me REALLY falling for you, now would you?
no subject
I'd truly rather you not. The men whom have held your position oft end up dead by my hand. And Kaphlar, I truly don't relish taking life, but I've long stopped flinching at the smell of burned flesh and the vibration and resistance of my blade sliding through a man's ribcage!
Don't make me have to share the experience with you, hm? I'd much rather not.
[And now that Yenh has finished Being Real, she lets his balls go and gives them a pat.]
no subject
And then he laughs. It's a sincere sound, and yet, at the same time, it seems to border on hysterical. When it dies down, he looks at her the way a racer would look at a track they're eager to conquer.
This time, he won't bother struggling against the Mistress's curse. Instead, he gives her an oddly fond wave before he turns to walk away.
... Now where the hell did that cow go?]
no subject
[Yenh wonders if this is why she keeps attracting this kind of attention to herself, too. Eugh.]
[Content to leave Kaphlar to find the cow, she hops the fence and begins a nice long walk to find a nice cold creek to jump into and wash the reek of slime off of her body.]