ignisvulpes: (get off my back DAD)
Kaphlar Kinra ([personal profile] ignisvulpes) wrote in [community profile] kingdomcomes2017-08-10 07:57 pm
Entry tags:

[open] Step one: stop lying.

Who: Kaphlar Kinra and you!
What: Lying, questing and shenanigans.
When: (waves hands vaguely) August
Where: Around the village (+ one bonus journal post)
Warnings: Kaph is an asshole. Will edit as needed.

A. Failed step one

[Not long after last month's feast, a nonchalantly-penned message appears on everyone's journals.]

I'm sorry to say that, thanks to a spell placed on me, I'll only be able to talk to lovely ladies for the near future, and not guys. [And then there's a sloppy drawing of a face crying a single tear.] Face to face, I mean. As you can see, I can still write just fine!

Anyway, now you know. Sorry if I end up giving you the cold shoulder on the street, yeah, guys? Nothing I can do about it!

[Heterosexuality secured.]

B. Continued failure

[Hahaha, a yodeling cow, he said. How hard could it be, he said. Fuck whatever past Kaph said to himself.

He was quick to formulate a plan, but being unable to buy resources just for this - he doesn't want to think of how he might be able to go to a shop and ask for a gag with the curse he's under, let alone how easily the sentence "Yeah, buddy, I need a gag for this cow" could be misinterpreted - Kaph just brought some of the shittier blankets from his room. Mostly the ones that were already dirty and he didn't feel like putting through the laundry. You'll be put to a good use, shitty blankets.

As it turns out, he forgot how big cows are, as well as how strong, especially when compared to him.

Currently, he can be found either:

- mounting the cow as she tries to shake him off, holding on to dear life by nothing but the blankets he's tried tying around her mouth;
- still holding on to those goddamn blankets, but this time he's tried stuffing them into the cow's mouth and now he's just being dragged across the ground;
- or tangled up on the stupid goddamn filthy blankets while the cow peacefully munches on some grass a few feet away.

In any case, all he can do is grunt and scream wordlessly.]

C. A way with words

[Hey, you know what's way easier and less painful than being trampled by a stinky cow? Writing euphemisms. Right now, Kaph is sitting on some stone steps in a livelier part of the village, letting himself be inspired by what he sees - he looks at a girl passing by, sees what comes to mind, and writes it down if it seems like Pure Gold, which, as far as he's concerned, is what all his words are.

"I'd stick my bread in her oven."
"I'd let her churn my butter."
"Her juice and my batter..."

... No, that one might be too much. Also, is he hungry or something?? Oh shit, nice tits at 12 o' clock.

"Let me have a taste of that good fruit, babe"

He makes a note on a different scrap of paper: "Look up local harvest goddess or whatever."

Whenever a man passes by, particularly an attractive one? He averts his eyes and focuses on what he's written, perhaps a bit too intently.]

hauntpadour: (annoyed)


[personal profile] hauntpadour 2017-08-10 08:27 pm (UTC)(link)
[Hey look, its that young fucker that broke his nose.]

[He saw the mistress humiliate you. You're not so untouchable, punk.]

[Egon has had to settle for more local wares, and not a lot of hair product. He looks... much less aggressively 80's. The hair is still quite a bit of something to look at, but it's in a much more traditional, tightly tied back pomp and ponytail. He's also got one of those lace-up shirts with the short sleeves, open most of the way down his chest because that's just what's comfortable.]

[He keeps his eyes away from Kaph, but is busy purchasing some potions at the nearest stand.]
hauntpadour: (annoyed)

[personal profile] hauntpadour 2017-08-14 04:28 pm (UTC)(link)
[Egon would claim that he's hardly trying at all, considering he didn't have much in the way of hair gel and the pins he used to maintain a head of hair like he normally did.]

[But still, he's not bad.]

[The blonde flinches a bit, more out of surprise than pain, when he gets pelted on the back with stones, turning away from his business and zeroing in on Kaph.]

What is your problem?
hauntpadour: (proud-learning)

[personal profile] hauntpadour 2017-08-18 02:48 am (UTC)(link)
[Oh right, still cursed. Egon can't help but grin a little sadistically.]

You still can't speak, can you?
hauntpadour: (extremely smug- in love)

[personal profile] hauntpadour 2017-08-20 06:30 pm (UTC)(link)
[Oh, time to be super smug because he can. The other man immediately forgets and business he had, leaning on the nearest thing he can lean on.]

You know I can probably help you.
hauntpadour: (smug-flirting probably)

[personal profile] hauntpadour 2017-08-25 12:22 am (UTC)(link)
There's got to be something more to this than just "magic".

[The doctor adds finger quotes for emphasis, looking down at Kaph.]

A throat exam and a chat with the owner of the apothecary could clear it up.
hauntpadour: (smug-flirting probably)

[personal profile] hauntpadour 2017-08-29 03:58 pm (UTC)(link)
There's always a base of science in magic.

[This is one of the few things that Dr. Egon Spengler will always be extremely smarmy about, kaph. Do you want help or not?]
hauntpadour: (learning-sciencing)

[personal profile] hauntpadour 2017-09-03 04:02 pm (UTC)(link)
Come on.

[Forget his potions. Egon waves Kaph to get up and follow him towards the ugly little mud hut he lives in.]

So what lets you speak?

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crimsonlight: (thoughtful and confused as a result)


[personal profile] crimsonlight 2017-08-13 09:15 pm (UTC)(link)
[As he is tangled in blankets and screaming, a pair of hands grabs one part and pulls. Yenh was thinking about that trick where you yank a tablecloth and the table's contents remain where they're meant to be, but it turns out that doesn't quite work when it comes to men tangled and hollering in the grass.]

[She tries to do a better job by pulling while running, and ends up half dragging him a few feet.]

[Her attempt to be all chivalrous and cool: failed.]
crimsonlight: (horsing around)

[personal profile] crimsonlight 2017-08-14 02:32 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Trying to recover from her own embarrassment that she couldn't be totally badass with these dirty bedsheets, she wiggles her fingers at him in hello. ]

[ She had glanced at his journal entry, but she presumes she's fine. No curse here, right?? ]

[ Yenh hikes her skirt up above her knee, and reaches up the rest of the way to free a knife from the top of her entirely too-tall thighboot. ]

I see that the cow took you captive. Worry not, they're tricky beasts, these cows. They have too many stomachs to be trusted.
Edited 2017-08-14 21:17 (UTC)
crimsonlight: (we~ll....)

[personal profile] crimsonlight 2017-08-15 12:00 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Yenh notices him staring, and sighs before she can stop herself. Oh well. Crouching down beside him, she looks him over for the best place to make the cut. ]

Has the coeurl got your tongue? Or were you simply flattering me about my beauty? [ Not that she seems offended. And she isn't; mostly, she's just concerned with getting him loose. Digging her hand in between a bit of Kaph and the blanket, she tilts her head and looks him in the eye. ] Pray hold still. I don't want to cut you. Or myself.
crimsonlight: (He's only gone if I forget)

[personal profile] crimsonlight 2017-08-15 02:33 pm (UTC)(link)
[ She sets to work sawing through the fabric, occasionally pausing to pull and see if she can rip it. Yenh makes reasonably quick work of the coils, and soon it is bye-bye bedsheets... hello, a free kaph and a new set of rags, which Yenh is busy clearing away from said free Kaph. ]

And there you are! No longer mummified. Are you alright?
crimsonlight: (thoughtful and confused as a result)

[personal profile] crimsonlight 2017-08-16 01:25 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Blinking, she shifts closer to him. She doesn't know what he's doing or why, so she figures she may as well play along. ]

Hm? What is it?
crimsonlight: (hey wait a minute)

[personal profile] crimsonlight 2017-08-17 01:48 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Closer, closer... this is rapidly becoming Too Close. ]


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