i worked really hard to think up a pasta pun and couldn't figure one out i'm sorry

[meteorman]

Who: A very friendly tentacle monster and YOU!
What: A magical disaster that needs some very sexy cleanup. I'll be npcing the monster from Ford's account because I'm lazy, and there will be a top level for him below!
When: Now!
Where: The village.
Warnings: Again, I refer you to the 'who'. The tentacle monster is a reasonable writhing mass of appendages however, and it can tell the difference between a hard no and 'oh noooo there is a tentacle slithering up my leg whatever shall I dooooo'. No noncon here.

At about three in the afternoon a particular magic shop in the village explodes. The cloud of pink and purple smoke is visible from the other side of town, and even after it starts to fade it's clear that something is going on over there. From a distance it looks sort of like the buildings in that area are being grown over at an alarming rate by thick, purple vines. Maybe some wizard was watering his potted ivy and it got really out of hand?

Those who investigate will discover this is not remotely the case, because this is the world of Oglaf and why would it ever be the non-sexy option. As they get closer and closer to the epicenter, marked by the last remains of that cloud of smoke, they'll find what looked like vines from a distance are actually flesh and not plant matter. They're a warm purple color, pinker at the tips, and smooth and featureless. They curl through cobblestones and over (and through) buildings and they grow at a leisurely pace, slow but still visible if you watch for long enough.

That is until they come within a couple yards of a person. Then they change their growth from 'outward, on a nice stroll' to 'in that direction, and fast'. Bigger tentacles will join the scouts, and the whole mess will get pretty grabby. They can be convinced to let go easily (a firm 'no' or 'stop that' works pretty well, despite them not having any visible way to hear it) but they don't seem to be interested in anything too risqué... or at least not more risqué than some friendly groping. Instead they will mainly gently nudge their 'victim' in toward where they're coming from, which is the wreckage of what used to be a wizard's shop. The biggest tentacles of all are the ones here at the source, and many of these ones have features that are a little more recognizable. There's basically a bunch of dildos and fleshlights on the ends, and they're all a bright friendly pink and want to get to know you! That's their job, after all. As the very frazzled wizard will tell you (between batting away a tentacle attempting to give him what seems to be a reassuring pat on the shoulder), this was supposed to result in something much, uh, smaller. For personal use. He got some math wrong and now it won't go away until it's done its job, possibly to the whole town.

Wanna help?

Comments

[crimsonlight]

[The stern, battle-ready hardness in her face and posture explode away in laughter as the true nature of the monster is at last revealed. This is no deadly or dangerous monster to be unleashed upon the hapless townsfolk unless some ransom is paid. Just... a sexy mistake. Yenh waves her hand at the wizard, pondering if she shouldn't just let others take care of this problem. Not that she isn't normally happy to solve people's problems for them, but this was harmless (other than the hit to the property value), and she's had her fill of sex for a while thanks to getting infected with that virus that made her fuck pretty much everyone in sight.]

[But as she turns as though to leave, a creatively-shaped dildo tentacle catches her eye, and she stops to stare at it.]

I've never quite seen one like that. Did a half-made sculpture get caught up in this?

[meteorman]

It was supposed to appeal to the person who summoned it.

[Perhaps sensing that her next question might be 'so you're into some real weird shit then huh', the wizard quickly amends:]

It looks like it thinks its master is just about anyone who gets near it, so it's grown bits and bobs for everybody.

[There's definitely not a ton of weird and wonderfully-varied junk on the thing because Stanford Pines was literally in the building when it was created. Oh no. Though even without his input, given the state of this village it'd probably still look like this.]

ok god i'm so sorry for dying for [checks] two weeks

[crimsonlight]

[Yenh, meanwhile, thinks this implies her. Her face heats up and she tries to soothe it with the wind through a violent a shake of her head.]

Oh, that's not- [But despite her revulsion for this all-too-uncomfortably voidsent-like creature, she keeps looking at it. She shifts as she feels an extremely alarming stirring between her legs.] - that one isn't mine, I assure you.

i mean glass houses and all

[meteorman]

[The wizard gives her a very, very flat look.]

Ma'am, I don't judge. Couldn't be in this business if I did.

[The more you protest the less he's going to believe you aren't responsible for some of this weird junk, Yenh. The weird junk itself just keeps wiggling jovially around, apparently unaware that anybody is annoyed with its presence, or at least determined not to let that get it down.]

no one fucks in them?

[crimsonlight]

[She starts to open her mouth, but, no. Of course the very pansexual nature of this place also extends to... beastmen.]

[Out of pure curiosity, she reaches out toward the bizarre tentacle. Her movement is ginger, as though she expects it to catch fire suddenly.]

AND THEY SHOULD seriously stop cockblocking the rest of us

[meteorman]

[It doesn't. That would be very counter-intuitive! Instead it presses into her hand, warm and pleasant to the touch, a little slick but not slimy. It's kind of like how a cat might push its head forward to seek out being petted, except, you know. A magical pink and purple dong on the end of a tentacle, one of many, eager to be Helpful. A couple more, these ones featureless but sturdy, settle lightly on her shoulders like steadying hands. See? It's fine, it's friendly.]

What good is a glass house otherwise!!

[crimsonlight]

[ That twinge again. The kind of little sweet ache she usually gets from actual strong hands on her shoulders. That would be fine and all on its own, but she had already been wondering what sort of beastman it could belong to and how it might feel... so she can’t help but flood. ]

[ Part of her also shouts that this is a demon and she should defeat it— but by that same logic, the only way to help anyone without her combat prowess is to... hm. ]

[ A catlady peacefully contemplating being horny while surrounded by tentacles/dicks. ]

[meteorman]

[If that isn't an excellent description of a regular Tuesday in this world then it's a mystery what is.

The wizard looks between her, the tentacles, and sighs. His shop's already a mess. If this happens it happens and he'll just fucking deal with it. He's just gonna exit stage left before he gets hit by any of the splashback, thank you very much.

The tentacles, meanwhile, are getting some mixed signals. They can feel arousal, which is good because that's what they're supposed to produce. So everything is going according to plan, except that she seems a little reticent?

So clearly the solution is to present her with other options. In addition to the pointed, segmented one she's petting, a few others meander over. One is flared at the tip with noticeable ridges, while another is pointed and smooth with a pronounced knot a ways down the shaft. There are others, too, stranger and in all shapes, just about anything she might imagine. Surely one will be cool enough to overcome her uncertainty? It's already keyed in on the non-human shape being part of what's got her interested, though, so there aren't any 'normal' ones. It really is doing about as well as an overgrown fuckspell can.]