September Event: Creature Feature

[loveskulls]

And now, for something a little different.

The town crier, now a centaur, had a bit of fascinating news for all those who would gather round to hear him. And you will gather round, because he seems to be one of the only ones who knows what’s going on. Some moments after you drank water this day, you may have noticed a sudden shift in body parts. Perhaps you have horse legs, or wings, or a horse tail, or extra eyes, maybe too few eyes, or perhaps hooves— A lot of creatures are part horse, aren’t they?

The town crier does his duty and tells you the tale. As it happens, a wizard of local dubious renown was seen fleeing the town early this morning. Long time locals knew this to be a sign of terribleness to come. At the scene of the crime was a discarded bucket with a sludgey residue inside. This was initially nothing that caused alarm. There were many buckets of sludge around town. Yet when the investigations began, the Mistress quickly deduced that the sludge was a horrific transmogrification potion.

She has called all suspicious persons to her castle for questioning. Ordinarily, she would allow this to slide. If the people of her town want to make one another miserable, then they are at liberty to do so. But, this was personal.

Your much beloved Mistress was looking rather more furry than usual. From head-to-toe she was covered in long, silky, fur— much befitting for the most beautiful yeti in all the land.

Will you answer her call? Are you stuck in some predicament that does not allow you to attend? Or have you lost your legs entirely?

[[OOC: The ooc for this event is over here]]

Comments

[meteorman]

Ah! Well. Normally a male newt would only possess a cloaca and nothing resembling a penis at all, but most newts are also not over ten feet long.

Which is to say, I think this curse took as many liberties with my genitalia as it did with liberally mixing different species of urodela. If anything I'd say the current setup is more reptilian, with genitalia stored inside the cloaca, though unlike most reptiles I only have the one.

[This is a relevant scientific discussion and there's nothing blue about it.]

[moonshined]

Oh! Right. Of course. [He's read enough about amphibious magical creatures, he ought to know that. But he's a little...distracted.

But then something catches in his brain and won't let go, and he's shaking his head quickly.]

Wait, wait, wait. Only one? As in—?

[As in there's the possibility of two.



And suddenly he's pretty sure his dick hasn't vanished.]

[meteorman]

As in most reptiles have two, though they tend to only actually use one-- ah.

[Alright see this is where he has just enough understanding of how to act like a normal person to know not to look. It's not like he hasn't seen this sort of thing before, there'd be no need to stare. He doesn't look away, mind you. He keeps his eyes on Remus's face and just doesn't look down.]

You see? Exactly where it should be.

[moonshined]

[Well, this is it, this is actually how he dies.

Remus's front set of legs squinch right up to try and cover his situation as best as they can. His face is very, very warm; he feels like he's going through puberty all over again.]

Right. Right, of course, yes, that's....right.

[Very smooth. Very eloquent.]

[meteorman]

[Good lord, this poor awkward boy. Given his age Ford supposes it's to be expected. He hasn't yet hit the point of just not giving a shit that being sixty-nine has elevated Ford to.

This is the point where he should probably offer to leave so Remus can deal with that problem, except that he has eyes and knows Remus won't be able to reach it. Short of grinding up against the furniture, he's kind of stuck. Whoops. Shouldn't have talked in such detail about cloacas, huh?]

I can't hep but feel as though that's my fault. I can assure you I wasn't making a concentrated effort.

[Option two is flirt. Kind of badly, but, like.]

[moonshined]

No! No, it's not—I'm a young lad, hormones and all that.

[Why is he contemplating how attractive a man easily fifty years older than him is? This place really is getting to him, isn't it?

His face splits into a mischievous grin]

...Though, well, you certainly didn't help.

[meteorman]

[Oh! Oh, okay, see, Ford Pines is sometimes bad at reading people. He was beginning to worry he'd genuinely made the poor lad uncomfortable, but that grin surely means he's fine. Right? That's not an awkward or nervous smile, he'd like to think he can tell the difference. That smile's a go-ahead if it's anything.]

I could. If you would rather not take care of that on your own.

[moonshined]

[Remus's grin doesn't waver, just grows a little...sheepish, if you will. Against the floor, his fluffy sheep's tail thumps a couple of times.]

I...might be amenable to that. If it isn't too much trouble. I don't think I can reach, you see.

[meteorman]

[He didn't come into this castle looking to get laid, honest, but he can't leave this room without having to worry about guards and frankly Remus' company is enjoyable enough that he doesn't want to.]

Yes, I'd had that thought. I ran into a similar problem upon preliminary, ah. Examination. But I think there may be a very efficient solution.

[moonshined]

[Remus lets out a breathy little laugh. It seems they're in a similar boat, especially given how much longer Ford's body is than his own. One's spine can only curl up so far, he supposes.

Intrigued, he pushes himself to all four feet, hands clasped tightly in front of him to keep from wringing them the way he very dearly wants to.]

Oh? And—what's that?

[meteorman]

[It doesn't help that his spine is more comfortable going side to side, either. He can curl up to an extent but it's just not what his body likes doing. It wants to wiggle.]

Well, if I had to estimate, we match up well-enough lengthwise that if we were to position ourselves carefully there'd be no trouble at all reaching each other.

[Like... he's bad at social situations and all but he does at least know you don't try and go balls-deep the first time you meet someone in-person. At least, not when they're in a body they aren't used to and clearly still getting a feel for sex in general.]

[moonshined]

Oh—!

[Remus glances down at himself, and then gives Ford's lower half another long look. He nods, seems to figure that it works well enough.]

I think that would work out just fine, yes.

[He swallows the lump in his throat, and takes a few halting steps toward Ford.]