Dr. Stanford Pines (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
meteorman) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
kingdomcomes2017-10-14 08:58 pm
meteorman) wrote in kingdomcomes2017-10-14 08:58 pm
Entry tags:
[OPEN]
Who: Ford Pines and YOU
What: Trying to make an honest living selling porn, as one does
When: Now!
Where: The village market
Warnings: I mean things of a sexual nature obviously, and also talk of monsterfucking
Ford does not regret his decision not to sign up in service to the Mistress. Sure, it's made things a little more difficult, but it beats being under the thumb of a vindictive magical tyrant. Never again and all that. On the other hand it means money is harder to come by, and he's getting tired of paying for everything with blowjobs. Not that he's bad at blowjobs, but lockjaw is the worst fear of a man who likes to talk as much as Ford likes to talk.
To that end he's decided to make a little money the proper way, by making something with his own two hands and selling it. His skills and passions have always dovetailed in the creative, so he's made... a smut zine. Okay, grandpa, guess it's the seventies again. It's ten pages long and it's all porn (it's also certainly very fictional and not at all just a slightly-retooled account of one of the many times he's fucked a sentient but non-human being). It's written almost like a naturalist's account, complete with flowing cursive script and incredibly life-like illustrations, including a few full-page art pieces near the back detailing the biology of what for simplicity's sake one might describe as a harpy. In terms of percentages it is definitely about 80% avian. No hot human girls with wings stapled on here, no sir.
He has about thirty-two copies. It's a modest first run, but he had to duplicate them with a duplication charm he got off a magician (for a blowjob, of course) and so it had limited uses.
If you happen to walk up and investigate, he'll helpfully mention:
"If you like that, I also work on commission."
There is a stack of blank parchment next to him. He will straight up draw you porn if you pay him.
What: Trying to make an honest living selling porn, as one does
When: Now!
Where: The village market
Warnings: I mean things of a sexual nature obviously, and also talk of monsterfucking
Ford does not regret his decision not to sign up in service to the Mistress. Sure, it's made things a little more difficult, but it beats being under the thumb of a vindictive magical tyrant. Never again and all that. On the other hand it means money is harder to come by, and he's getting tired of paying for everything with blowjobs. Not that he's bad at blowjobs, but lockjaw is the worst fear of a man who likes to talk as much as Ford likes to talk.
To that end he's decided to make a little money the proper way, by making something with his own two hands and selling it. His skills and passions have always dovetailed in the creative, so he's made... a smut zine. Okay, grandpa, guess it's the seventies again. It's ten pages long and it's all porn (it's also certainly very fictional and not at all just a slightly-retooled account of one of the many times he's fucked a sentient but non-human being). It's written almost like a naturalist's account, complete with flowing cursive script and incredibly life-like illustrations, including a few full-page art pieces near the back detailing the biology of what for simplicity's sake one might describe as a harpy. In terms of percentages it is definitely about 80% avian. No hot human girls with wings stapled on here, no sir.
He has about thirty-two copies. It's a modest first run, but he had to duplicate them with a duplication charm he got off a magician (for a blowjob, of course) and so it had limited uses.
If you happen to walk up and investigate, he'll helpfully mention:
"If you like that, I also work on commission."
There is a stack of blank parchment next to him. He will straight up draw you porn if you pay him.
no subject
Like, actually. Is that natural? That's some rad genetics you got there if so.
"Not many in this particular genre, yet." They key word here is of course 'yet'. "But since I arrived I have taken the liberty of beginning a new sketchbook which you are of course welcome to look through."
The moment he realized the book he was given upon arrival would be ill-suited to use as a journal or sketchbook he took the liberty of procuring a less-enchanted one instead. He pulls this out from under the table and passes it over. Of course considering much of the pictures drawn are of the locals and adjacent flora and fauna, there's plenty of ass even if it wasn't intended as pornography. It's almost all pictures with the occasional notation, too: if this was also his log he absolutely would not have handed it over for Kaph to peruse.
A lot of that ass is man ass, fair warning.
no subject
Somehow, he thinks this is a better look than the horrible act of looking at man ass for too long.
"You really don't have to put that much detail into the guys."
no subject
Now, Ford Pines has been around the block more times than he's kept count of. He is, shall we say, secure in his sexuality. He doesn't flaunt it the way most people in this reality do, but that's mainly because when most of your life is taken up by research and/or a quest for revenge it just doesn't come up much. The point is he can definitely tell when someone is insecure. Oh, Kaph, you sweet summer child.
"Oh? I thought some of those sketches were pretty good."
no subject
Kaphlar Kinra may have plenty of experience in bed, but he is also a connoisseur of porn. Unfortunately, that would be porn mainly aimed at heterosexual guys. Sometimes they don't even have faces, come on.
no subject
One of the great things about missing everything from 1982 to 2012 is that Ford missed a lot of the modern trends in pornography. No full length feature films anymore? Absurd.
... very casual homophobia??? idek
"Oh, so you're gay."
There. Glossed over. Also, kind of... an own? Maybe? He doesn't know if the guy's going to take offense or not. Doesn't make that much of a difference to him, anyway.
what a shitty boy
He could elaborate but honestly this is kind of funny.
"Getting warmer, though."
The good news is that he hasn't taken offense, not at all. The bad news is that he's doing that Ford Pines thing where he's difficult for no good reason except that he likes being difficult.
no subject
There may be even worse news: Kaphlar Kinra also likes to dabble in being difficult.