Dr. Stanford Pines (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
meteorman) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
kingdomcomes2017-10-14 08:58 pm
meteorman) wrote in kingdomcomes2017-10-14 08:58 pm
Entry tags:
[OPEN]
Who: Ford Pines and YOU
What: Trying to make an honest living selling porn, as one does
When: Now!
Where: The village market
Warnings: I mean things of a sexual nature obviously, and also talk of monsterfucking
Ford does not regret his decision not to sign up in service to the Mistress. Sure, it's made things a little more difficult, but it beats being under the thumb of a vindictive magical tyrant. Never again and all that. On the other hand it means money is harder to come by, and he's getting tired of paying for everything with blowjobs. Not that he's bad at blowjobs, but lockjaw is the worst fear of a man who likes to talk as much as Ford likes to talk.
To that end he's decided to make a little money the proper way, by making something with his own two hands and selling it. His skills and passions have always dovetailed in the creative, so he's made... a smut zine. Okay, grandpa, guess it's the seventies again. It's ten pages long and it's all porn (it's also certainly very fictional and not at all just a slightly-retooled account of one of the many times he's fucked a sentient but non-human being). It's written almost like a naturalist's account, complete with flowing cursive script and incredibly life-like illustrations, including a few full-page art pieces near the back detailing the biology of what for simplicity's sake one might describe as a harpy. In terms of percentages it is definitely about 80% avian. No hot human girls with wings stapled on here, no sir.
He has about thirty-two copies. It's a modest first run, but he had to duplicate them with a duplication charm he got off a magician (for a blowjob, of course) and so it had limited uses.
If you happen to walk up and investigate, he'll helpfully mention:
"If you like that, I also work on commission."
There is a stack of blank parchment next to him. He will straight up draw you porn if you pay him.
What: Trying to make an honest living selling porn, as one does
When: Now!
Where: The village market
Warnings: I mean things of a sexual nature obviously, and also talk of monsterfucking
Ford does not regret his decision not to sign up in service to the Mistress. Sure, it's made things a little more difficult, but it beats being under the thumb of a vindictive magical tyrant. Never again and all that. On the other hand it means money is harder to come by, and he's getting tired of paying for everything with blowjobs. Not that he's bad at blowjobs, but lockjaw is the worst fear of a man who likes to talk as much as Ford likes to talk.
To that end he's decided to make a little money the proper way, by making something with his own two hands and selling it. His skills and passions have always dovetailed in the creative, so he's made... a smut zine. Okay, grandpa, guess it's the seventies again. It's ten pages long and it's all porn (it's also certainly very fictional and not at all just a slightly-retooled account of one of the many times he's fucked a sentient but non-human being). It's written almost like a naturalist's account, complete with flowing cursive script and incredibly life-like illustrations, including a few full-page art pieces near the back detailing the biology of what for simplicity's sake one might describe as a harpy. In terms of percentages it is definitely about 80% avian. No hot human girls with wings stapled on here, no sir.
He has about thirty-two copies. It's a modest first run, but he had to duplicate them with a duplication charm he got off a magician (for a blowjob, of course) and so it had limited uses.
If you happen to walk up and investigate, he'll helpfully mention:
"If you like that, I also work on commission."
There is a stack of blank parchment next to him. He will straight up draw you porn if you pay him.
no subject
He has to compete with real sexy monsters here, so he's got to be on top of his game. People can wander into the forest and find real sexy harpies, so if he's going to get them reading his little self-published book about sexy harpies instead of doing that, the harpies have got to be really high-quality.
Luckily he is Ford Pines and therefore perfectly confident in his artistic abilities.
no subject
And while this would be a natural place to end the transaction, Yenh pauses as she weighs 'do' vs 'do not' and leans slightly forward with the weight of her decision. Her voice drops to a more hushed tone. "Are you writing wholly from the imagination?"
no subject
"Not entirely, no. There are things I've embellished and things I've altered to appeal to a wider audience, but you would be surprised how common it is to find worlds where avian beings are the dominant species."
no subject
"You've been to many worlds, then? Though I know of other stars, I've never been beyond mine own. 'Til being brought here, anyroad."
no subject
"Oh yes. Before I came here I spent thirty years traveling between dimensions. I would estimate the number of worlds I've passed through in the hundreds, if not the thousands."
no subject
Her eyes widen, and then she laughs and shakes her head. "Pray excuse me- so many in but 30 years of life? That's..." She pauses and does some math on her fingers. "At least two or three dimensions per moon!"
Her voice is playfully accusatory. "Are you having a bit of fun with me?"