Dr. Stanford Pines (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
meteorman) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
kingdomcomes2017-10-14 08:58 pm
meteorman) wrote in kingdomcomes2017-10-14 08:58 pm
Entry tags:
[OPEN]
Who: Ford Pines and YOU
What: Trying to make an honest living selling porn, as one does
When: Now!
Where: The village market
Warnings: I mean things of a sexual nature obviously, and also talk of monsterfucking
Ford does not regret his decision not to sign up in service to the Mistress. Sure, it's made things a little more difficult, but it beats being under the thumb of a vindictive magical tyrant. Never again and all that. On the other hand it means money is harder to come by, and he's getting tired of paying for everything with blowjobs. Not that he's bad at blowjobs, but lockjaw is the worst fear of a man who likes to talk as much as Ford likes to talk.
To that end he's decided to make a little money the proper way, by making something with his own two hands and selling it. His skills and passions have always dovetailed in the creative, so he's made... a smut zine. Okay, grandpa, guess it's the seventies again. It's ten pages long and it's all porn (it's also certainly very fictional and not at all just a slightly-retooled account of one of the many times he's fucked a sentient but non-human being). It's written almost like a naturalist's account, complete with flowing cursive script and incredibly life-like illustrations, including a few full-page art pieces near the back detailing the biology of what for simplicity's sake one might describe as a harpy. In terms of percentages it is definitely about 80% avian. No hot human girls with wings stapled on here, no sir.
He has about thirty-two copies. It's a modest first run, but he had to duplicate them with a duplication charm he got off a magician (for a blowjob, of course) and so it had limited uses.
If you happen to walk up and investigate, he'll helpfully mention:
"If you like that, I also work on commission."
There is a stack of blank parchment next to him. He will straight up draw you porn if you pay him.
What: Trying to make an honest living selling porn, as one does
When: Now!
Where: The village market
Warnings: I mean things of a sexual nature obviously, and also talk of monsterfucking
Ford does not regret his decision not to sign up in service to the Mistress. Sure, it's made things a little more difficult, but it beats being under the thumb of a vindictive magical tyrant. Never again and all that. On the other hand it means money is harder to come by, and he's getting tired of paying for everything with blowjobs. Not that he's bad at blowjobs, but lockjaw is the worst fear of a man who likes to talk as much as Ford likes to talk.
To that end he's decided to make a little money the proper way, by making something with his own two hands and selling it. His skills and passions have always dovetailed in the creative, so he's made... a smut zine. Okay, grandpa, guess it's the seventies again. It's ten pages long and it's all porn (it's also certainly very fictional and not at all just a slightly-retooled account of one of the many times he's fucked a sentient but non-human being). It's written almost like a naturalist's account, complete with flowing cursive script and incredibly life-like illustrations, including a few full-page art pieces near the back detailing the biology of what for simplicity's sake one might describe as a harpy. In terms of percentages it is definitely about 80% avian. No hot human girls with wings stapled on here, no sir.
He has about thirty-two copies. It's a modest first run, but he had to duplicate them with a duplication charm he got off a magician (for a blowjob, of course) and so it had limited uses.
If you happen to walk up and investigate, he'll helpfully mention:
"If you like that, I also work on commission."
There is a stack of blank parchment next to him. He will straight up draw you porn if you pay him.
slams in here a full week later
He grins at the sight of a familiar face behind one of the stalls, and saunters up feeling only a tiny bit self-conscious about the fact that he has interacted with this man's genitals while they were both half-animal. Remus thumbs through one of the copies of Ford's zine.]
Never seen one quite so colorful before. You seem to know a great deal about, ah.
[How does one say 'monster porn' without sounding rude?
Nope, okay.]
Monster porn.
no subject
I have a lot of experience, both theoretical and practical. In fact, one of my PhDs is in xenobiology. There was certainly a conscious choice behind framing it as a field notebook.
no subject
Xenobiology? Goodness. I'd like to know what university offers a degree in that.
[He might even consider going to a Muggle uni if it meant studying something so clearly right up his alley.]
I like it. It's clever. Unexpected.
no subject
[Was that a rhetorical question, Remus? Not anymore it isn't.]
Academions one through nine are fine as well, but the lower numbers are the lower grades and so not of much use. It isn't until Academion Eight that you start hitting graduate schools.
[Alright, now that he's shown off by providing a ton of unnecessary information, Remus already paid him a compliment and he has to address that too.]
Unexpected was the idea, yes! I wanted something unlike anything else being sold. There's stiff competition here when it comes to pornography.
no subject
[Ford Pines is a mystery to Remus, in that he seems like he's been everywhere all at once, and he always feels a step behind trying to figure out what the hell he's talking about.]
...Pun intended, or...?