Dr. Stanford Pines (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
meteorman) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
kingdomcomes2017-10-14 08:58 pm
meteorman) wrote in kingdomcomes2017-10-14 08:58 pm
Entry tags:
[OPEN]
Who: Ford Pines and YOU
What: Trying to make an honest living selling porn, as one does
When: Now!
Where: The village market
Warnings: I mean things of a sexual nature obviously, and also talk of monsterfucking
Ford does not regret his decision not to sign up in service to the Mistress. Sure, it's made things a little more difficult, but it beats being under the thumb of a vindictive magical tyrant. Never again and all that. On the other hand it means money is harder to come by, and he's getting tired of paying for everything with blowjobs. Not that he's bad at blowjobs, but lockjaw is the worst fear of a man who likes to talk as much as Ford likes to talk.
To that end he's decided to make a little money the proper way, by making something with his own two hands and selling it. His skills and passions have always dovetailed in the creative, so he's made... a smut zine. Okay, grandpa, guess it's the seventies again. It's ten pages long and it's all porn (it's also certainly very fictional and not at all just a slightly-retooled account of one of the many times he's fucked a sentient but non-human being). It's written almost like a naturalist's account, complete with flowing cursive script and incredibly life-like illustrations, including a few full-page art pieces near the back detailing the biology of what for simplicity's sake one might describe as a harpy. In terms of percentages it is definitely about 80% avian. No hot human girls with wings stapled on here, no sir.
He has about thirty-two copies. It's a modest first run, but he had to duplicate them with a duplication charm he got off a magician (for a blowjob, of course) and so it had limited uses.
If you happen to walk up and investigate, he'll helpfully mention:
"If you like that, I also work on commission."
There is a stack of blank parchment next to him. He will straight up draw you porn if you pay him.
What: Trying to make an honest living selling porn, as one does
When: Now!
Where: The village market
Warnings: I mean things of a sexual nature obviously, and also talk of monsterfucking
Ford does not regret his decision not to sign up in service to the Mistress. Sure, it's made things a little more difficult, but it beats being under the thumb of a vindictive magical tyrant. Never again and all that. On the other hand it means money is harder to come by, and he's getting tired of paying for everything with blowjobs. Not that he's bad at blowjobs, but lockjaw is the worst fear of a man who likes to talk as much as Ford likes to talk.
To that end he's decided to make a little money the proper way, by making something with his own two hands and selling it. His skills and passions have always dovetailed in the creative, so he's made... a smut zine. Okay, grandpa, guess it's the seventies again. It's ten pages long and it's all porn (it's also certainly very fictional and not at all just a slightly-retooled account of one of the many times he's fucked a sentient but non-human being). It's written almost like a naturalist's account, complete with flowing cursive script and incredibly life-like illustrations, including a few full-page art pieces near the back detailing the biology of what for simplicity's sake one might describe as a harpy. In terms of percentages it is definitely about 80% avian. No hot human girls with wings stapled on here, no sir.
He has about thirty-two copies. It's a modest first run, but he had to duplicate them with a duplication charm he got off a magician (for a blowjob, of course) and so it had limited uses.
If you happen to walk up and investigate, he'll helpfully mention:
"If you like that, I also work on commission."
There is a stack of blank parchment next to him. He will straight up draw you porn if you pay him.
no subject
"I believe it's a mating display. Many species have them in some form or another."
This is all a much more poetic understanding of romance than he's really into, possibly because he was never one for poetry and possibly because the whole subtlety thing was never an option for him. Yearning and the chase, sure, but that just got punch all down the front of his tux at prom. Being direct is easier for him and he's found it gets much better results.
"It is supposed to be a field notebook, you understand, so aside from the dated entries showing the progress of the relationship and proximity between subject and researcher there wasn't room for the, ah... traditional romance you mention."
Which is the most diplomatic way he can say 'that shit's boring as hell and minimizing it was a conscious choice'.
no subject
He catches himself staring overlong at a birdwoman titty, and closes the zine. He looks to the side as something dawns on him. He slowly turns his head to look directly at Ford.
"Is this a fictional account?" he asks in a way that suggests that he's already convinced that it is not.
i should be sorry but i'm Not
"Mostly."
no subject
He tucks the dubiously autobiographical account away.
"You said there would be more of these. Do you have plans for the content of it yet?"
Aymeric would be unnerved by the shamelessness if it weren't so commonplace here.
no subject
"Well, considering the first features an avian, I feel as though I should have at least a mammal and a reptile represented as well." That seems fairest to him, even though there's plenty of beings that doesn't fall under any of those three umbrellas that he'd like to spend time drawing lewds of.
"And to answer your question, yes. I have. They do say 'write what you know'. If I'm going to be producing pornography I may as well enjoy making it."