[open] Step one: stop lying.

[ignisvulpes]

Who: Kaphlar Kinra and you!
What: Lying, questing and shenanigans.
When: (waves hands vaguely) August
Where: Around the village (+ one bonus journal post)
Warnings: Kaph is an asshole. Will edit as needed.


A. Failed step one

[Not long after last month's feast, a nonchalantly-penned message appears on everyone's journals.]

I'm sorry to say that, thanks to a spell placed on me, I'll only be able to talk to lovely ladies for the near future, and not guys. [And then there's a sloppy drawing of a face crying a single tear.] Face to face, I mean. As you can see, I can still write just fine!

Anyway, now you know. Sorry if I end up giving you the cold shoulder on the street, yeah, guys? Nothing I can do about it!

[Heterosexuality secured.]


B. Continued failure

[Hahaha, a yodeling cow, he said. How hard could it be, he said. Fuck whatever past Kaph said to himself.

He was quick to formulate a plan, but being unable to buy resources just for this - he doesn't want to think of how he might be able to go to a shop and ask for a gag with the curse he's under, let alone how easily the sentence "Yeah, buddy, I need a gag for this cow" could be misinterpreted - Kaph just brought some of the shittier blankets from his room. Mostly the ones that were already dirty and he didn't feel like putting through the laundry. You'll be put to a good use, shitty blankets.

As it turns out, he forgot how big cows are, as well as how strong, especially when compared to him.

Currently, he can be found either:

- mounting the cow as she tries to shake him off, holding on to dear life by nothing but the blankets he's tried tying around her mouth;
- still holding on to those goddamn blankets, but this time he's tried stuffing them into the cow's mouth and now he's just being dragged across the ground;
- or tangled up on the stupid goddamn filthy blankets while the cow peacefully munches on some grass a few feet away.

In any case, all he can do is grunt and scream wordlessly.]


C. A way with words

[Hey, you know what's way easier and less painful than being trampled by a stinky cow? Writing euphemisms. Right now, Kaph is sitting on some stone steps in a livelier part of the village, letting himself be inspired by what he sees - he looks at a girl passing by, sees what comes to mind, and writes it down if it seems like Pure Gold, which, as far as he's concerned, is what all his words are.

"I'd stick my bread in her oven."
"I'd let her churn my butter."
"Her juice and my batter..."

... No, that one might be too much. Also, is he hungry or something?? Oh shit, nice tits at 12 o' clock.

"Let me have a taste of that good fruit, babe"

He makes a note on a different scrap of paper: "Look up local harvest goddess or whatever."

Whenever a man passes by, particularly an attractive one? He averts his eyes and focuses on what he's written, perhaps a bit too intently.]

Comments

[crimsonlight]

[ Yenh looks at his hand, then up at him, and then to the immediate area. As she's casting her gaze around the pasture (and half expecting to see everyone she knows peeking up from the taller sections of remaining grass), Yenh untucks her skirt from where it bunched at her knees and lifts the edge—only enough to allow him a chance to slip his hand in under it. This seems like such a bad idea. But she has talked herself into giving him a chance to seduce her. ...Even if it feels like she has been holding his hand a little to reach this point. ]

[ignisvulpes]

[It's true that he can be, and usually is, much more forward than this. Back home, he has status and money and power; he doesn't have to try very hard if he just wants to fuck. Here, he's been stripped of all that - and if people like Éowyn go around spreading shit about him, there won't be a damn thing he can do about it.

It's not that he feels insecure, heavens, no. That word isn't even in his vocabulary! He's just... you know... playing on the defensive.

His hand moves in, a thumb pressing softly at her inner thigh, hunting for a more sensitive spot. He leans closer, too; if Yenh lets him, close enough to feel his breath on her skin.]

You know what, Yenh? You deserve to know you're gorgeous.

[crimsonlight]

[His thumb roaming illicits a small but sharp intake of breath; Yenh's legs are already parted enough from simply squatting down to his level that she merely waits for his hand to find its way.]

[Yenh takes another glance around. They're being subtle enough right now that she's less worried about anyone happening past, but- oh, he's talking. His words make her feel a surge of something rather odd, like an uncomfortable swelling.]

I must confess... I'm typically praised for- ah, other qualities.

[ignisvulpes]

Oh, sure. You're talented, aren't you? I can tell... you're really something special.

[His thumb probes further, coming closer and closer to her crotch at a slow, deliberate pace. He casts a glance up at Yenh's face before deciding to go in for a quick kiss to her thigh.]

[crimsonlight]

[As soon as she notices herself clenching her teeth, she relaxes. He's just one of those people who sounds kinda smarmy when they're being sincere, aren't they? She can't help but think of Hancock, the Ul'dahn merchant stationed in Kugane- and then Yenh promptly realizes she absolutely does not want to think about Hancock during sex, so she hyperfocuses down on Kaph, and smiles.]

[Her hand lands on his head, her fingers raking through his hair a few times before settling into a barely-a-grab. Yenh's attempt to not to seem obvious about the man between her legs is quickly failing, as her legs' gradual parting has hiked her skirt upward toward her waist. She figures she can fix it in a moment maybe, but for now...]

[Her underwear is, dramatically, black.]

I'd truly love to be humble, but it'd also make me a liar. Aye, I am...

[ignisvulpes]

There's nothing wrong with being proud. [He's quiet, but as far as he's concerned, the Mistress's spell has nothing to do with it this time. His tone of voice is very much deliberate.

That stupid yodeling cow can go take a hike. This is a success that actually matters.]

I bet you've accomplished a lot, wherever you're from. [Another kiss, and his hand has reached her underwear. Two of his fingers press against her slit through the fabric.]

And here... Well, I don't have to tell you what you've done to me, do I? [He looks up at her, giving her the well-practiced grin of an innocent boy in love.]

[crimsonlight]

[Every muscle in her stomach tenses. She knows the look well enough—her deeds are indeed renowned enough that she has seen many a young man (and of course, sometimes, a young woman) gaze at her with that exact intense look.]

I can't-

[She pushes a steadying hand back on his shoulder so that he doesn't faceplant into the ground, but Yenh shifts backward and adjusts her skirt back to a modest position. Really, if she'd thought for two seconds about this whole idea and the fact he'd been a little sweet at the feast... she could kick herself.]

I'm sorry, Kaph, you don't- if you've feelings like that, it's safer that I not nurture them.

[ignisvulpes]

[For a moment, it's quite clear Kaph has no idea how to respond. Not because he looks particularly broken-hearted, but because he's confused; he stares at Yenh with furrowed brows as if she'd just said complete nonsense.

Then he finally gets back on his feet, wipes the dust off his clothes, and makes absolutely no effort to conceal what he's feeling: a baffled kind of annoyance.]

What, do you just wanna fuck, then? I'm down to fuck.

[crimsonlight]

[Anger was a normal reaction, in her experience, so she shakes her head. As his annoyance rises to the top, she finds herself back on steady ground. This she can deal with. Not that she relishes having to, not in the slightest. Yenh rocks herself up to stand in one smooth motion, tail moving to best balance her.]

[She shakes her head, her voice firm but still quite kind.]

It isn't that easy to separate your fancy from your frolicking. If we indulge, your heartbreak will fester all the worse.

[ignisvulpes]

[He... What is he supposed to do with this?? If he keeps up the farce, then Yenh probably won't budge, because... Hell if he gets why. What's the big deal? If HE agreed to fuck someone who had a crush on him, and he told that person ahead of time that he doesn't care about them, and they still felt attached to him, then that's their own goddamn fault.

On the other hand, if he tells her the truth, he's sure Yenh would still refuse, because people tend to get all offended when you've been lying to them.

UGH.

He tries to say something, but he only gets like three words in before he realises he's completely inaudible again. Stupid lousy fucking Mistress.]

[crimsonlight]

[A sigh escapes from her lips, so she reaches out and puts a thumb on one of his nipples, flicking the bud in small gentle motions. Loath as she is to continue encouraging this, he does have a right to express his frustration.]

Say your piece. I'm listening.

[ignisvulpes]

[He... can't quite take the nipple-rubbing as a comfort. It just makes him suspect he really is going to walk away from this encounter completely blue-balled.]

I don't care... [Her attentions grant a certain (if not pronounced) deep, rough quality to his tone.] ... how you feel about me right now. I don't care if you don't love me - back. [... Hopefully she'll take his fumbling as flusteredness, rather than the truth behind what he feels slipping through the cracks.] If-- If I can make you happy just once, that's enough for me.

[crimsonlight]

[ Ah, so there it is. Yenh pauses her hands, clamping his nipples with her fingers as she licks her lips and begins to formulate her response. ]

It's not... about reciprocity. [ She feels a whelling of emotions that she has labored to keep guarded and checked, and the ache of a deep hurt plays out across her face. It was frustrating to find herself put to the task of dealing with the feeling again and again and again. It was exhausting in ways that combat could never be. ]

[ Her eyes return their focus onto him. ] It is true that I don't... feel anything so deep and significant. Yet, ultimately, I do still care for your wellbeing.

I wish you to see me as a friend. A protector. If you can "love" me that way, then I'll gladly accept your attentions.

[ignisvulpes]

[That's good enough for him. If that's the role he has to play to get what he wants, then he'll stick with it until he's had enough.

Which may be a while longer than usual, if his rotten luck keeps up.]

Don't we all need friends in a strange land?

[He's leaning closer. Friends can totally make out, right?]

[crimsonlight]

[Yenh removes her hands from his nipples and places them squarely on his shoulders, stopping him with a rather shocking amount of solid strength for how small she is.]

Your distress is getting the better of you, even as we speak.

[And since that sounded mean in her own mind, she tries to explain.] I'm the protector of my realm—and mayhap a day will come when I rise to become this one's guardian, as well. To aid and defend is my calling, and I serve 'til death.

... that's why you musn't.

[ignisvulpes]

[FUCK, so close. The gears in Kaph's head start turning again. Goddammit, he's never had to seduce anyone with a hero complex, how is he supposed to...?]

Yeah, su-- [Ugh. Gotta reformulate that. With any luck, Yenh might not have heard how annoyed he just sounded; he's straining his voice quite a bit to make himself heard now.] I understand that. But you said we could be friends, right? So what's the...

[... Yeah, you know what? He was just running his mouth off for a bit there, but what the hell, he might as well go with the idea that just came to mind.]

Oh, I get it. We've got a culture gap kind of thing going on here.

[crimsonlight]

[She did pick up on his annoyance, but she doesn't hold it against him. After all, as far as she's concerned, he's Emotionally Compromised. And she has spent much of her time with people who occasionally resort to fist fights or worse to sort out their differences, so it's not as though she is bothered by a little bit of barb.]

[No, instead, she blinks at his sudden change of course. And in the interest of being able to hear him again, her hands return to his nipples as her head tilts in curiosity.]

How so?

[ignisvulpes]

[He smiles. His look of renewed confidence could easily be mistaken for simple pleasure at Yenh's attentions.]

I'm guessing your place didn't really have the concept of "friends with benefits". Am I right?

[crimsonlight]

[ Friends with benefits... that sounds extremely Ul'dahn and in context, she's sure she could take a pretty good stab at the meaning... yet it's better safe than sorry, now. She's already misread him enough for one day. ]

You'll need to elaborate, I'm afraid.

[ignisvulpes]

It's very simple. It's a friendship much like any other... but with extra benefits, as the name implies. And those benefits might include, say...

[He looks down at her hands.]

The sort of thing you're doing right now... Or just about anything beyond it.

[crimsonlight]

[Yenh looks at her hands, then back up at him. Her hands stop once more, and her expression becomes truly guilty.]

No, no, no. I certainly do have that concept. Moreso than most, perhaps.

That is not the issue— you professed love.

[ignisvulpes]

[That does it. Maybe it's thanks to how sure he was that this would finally work, or maybe it's something else - whatever the reason, it's like a switch has been flipped. He throws his arms in the air and yells, furious:]

I lied!

[Good thing it's not that loud at all. Thanks, Mistress.]

[crimsonlight]

[Yenh reels back in obvious shock. It takes a moment for it to properly sink in-]

[And then she feels wave upon wave of relief. Laughing her tension off, she slaps herself on the forehead. Really, she fell for it, and there's no denying that.]

Gods, Kaphlar! Small wonder that Eowyn regards you so poorly.

[ignisvulpes]

[Laughter isn't exactly the reaction he expected this time, either. Boy, Yenh is full of mysteries. Does he, like... still have a chance, or...??]

... The thing about friends with benefits was true, though.

[crimsonlight]

Of that, I have no doubt. [ While holding eye contact, Yenh reaches out unceremoniously and grabs him by the crotch, giving it one good firm rub. Then she stills her hand. ]

I've taken scoundrels to bed, but you'll have to earn it. Without your lies, preferably.