September Event: Creature Feature

[loveskulls]

And now, for something a little different.

The town crier, now a centaur, had a bit of fascinating news for all those who would gather round to hear him. And you will gather round, because he seems to be one of the only ones who knows what’s going on. Some moments after you drank water this day, you may have noticed a sudden shift in body parts. Perhaps you have horse legs, or wings, or a horse tail, or extra eyes, maybe too few eyes, or perhaps hooves— A lot of creatures are part horse, aren’t they?

The town crier does his duty and tells you the tale. As it happens, a wizard of local dubious renown was seen fleeing the town early this morning. Long time locals knew this to be a sign of terribleness to come. At the scene of the crime was a discarded bucket with a sludgey residue inside. This was initially nothing that caused alarm. There were many buckets of sludge around town. Yet when the investigations began, the Mistress quickly deduced that the sludge was a horrific transmogrification potion.

She has called all suspicious persons to her castle for questioning. Ordinarily, she would allow this to slide. If the people of her town want to make one another miserable, then they are at liberty to do so. But, this was personal.

Your much beloved Mistress was looking rather more furry than usual. From head-to-toe she was covered in long, silky, fur— much befitting for the most beautiful yeti in all the land.

Will you answer her call? Are you stuck in some predicament that does not allow you to attend? Or have you lost your legs entirely?

[[OOC: The ooc for this event is over here]]

Comments

[moonshined]

[Remus laughs politely, watching Ford settle in, and likewise, his two back legs fold with only a little trouble so he can sit on his wooly bottom with his front pair of sheep legs tucked neatly in the middle.]

That's quite alright. I wasn't exactly planning on doing gymnastics in here at the moment. Are you alright out of the water? You're not going to....dry out?

i'm not sorry

[meteorman]

Oh, I don't think so, no. I don't feel uncomfortably dry.

[He'll be keeping tabs on it just to be sure, but he's been an amphibian for most of the day and he hasn't started craving water yet.

Well. That's not strictly true. He does have a very strong urge to find some mud and snuggle down in it, but that isn't a life or death sort of thing.]

No more gymnastics, though? You've given up looking for your penis?

[He knows what you were doing, bucko, you didn't just Fall Over. He's got eyes.]

rip in fuck

[moonshined]

Good, good.

[Remus is about to open his mouth to say something else when Ford goes on, and suddenly his face feels very warm; the urge to melt into the floor is very strong right now, and if he still had the ability to Apparate, he would likely do so. As it is, he sits stock upright, his hooves clattering against the floor in his surprise.]

I—that isn't...!

[Oh, sod it. Ford is right, after all, that's exactly what he'd been doing. Remus buries his face in his hands, his curly horns sticking out to either side.]

...Yes.

[meteorman]

[Man, being young and swimming in hormones sure is a trip. Thank god he's past that. I mean he's still swimming in hormones but it's like the difference between someone who only knows how to doggy paddle and someone who can butterfly at the olympic level.]

There's no shame in it, my boy. When one is in a whole new body it's only prudent to take stock of everything that's changed.

[moonshined]

[His cheeks burning, Remus lifts his face slowly from his hands, his eyes rolled straight up to stare at the ceiling.]

Yes, I just...wanted to make sure it was all there. Never have had a sheep’s bits before.

[Someone please kill him.]

[meteorman]

I can't imagine it could have gone anywhere.

[Dicks don't just get up and walk away. At least, not unless someone puts a curse on you.]

Mine certainly didn't.

[It's... joke? Humor puts people at ease, right?

???]

[moonshined]

Well—best to make sure. Just in case.

[Remus blinks a couple of times, and one hand lifts to rub at the back of his neck.]

I'm very glad for you. That would be...upsetting, I imagine.

[Oh, for fuck's sake, Remus, stop blushing. Just because an attractive older man is talking to you about cocks doesn't mean anything at all.]

[meteorman]

Oh, in the grand scheme of things, not really. I've heard that isn't much of a stumbling block here, with fucksmiths on every corner.


And anyway I prefer to bottom.

[moonshined]

[If he didn't already want to die, he certainly does now. Holy hell. This man is...forward. Or oblivious. A combination of the two? Honestly, Remus can't figure it out.]

Oh. R-right, of course. Yes. I imagine that...it wouldn't much matter, in that case.

[meteorman]

Not really, no.

[It definitely is a little of the two. Mainly, he is far past the age where he thinks it's necessary to skirt around this sort of thing. There's a time and a place, sure, but this is an entire universe built around promiscuity. It's practically currency here. If not here, where should he be frank?

Besides, he's just talking about it. It's not like it's a direct proposition... though to be fair he probably wouldn't do that any more delicately.]

Anyway! I think the solution to your problem is simpler than it may appear. Many male mammals keep their genitalia in a sheath when not in use. I'm not intimately familiar with sheep in particular but I would wager a guess it hasn't gone anywhere, merely retracted.

[moonshined]

[Remus is having a damn hard time concentrating on the conversation at hand right now; mainly because he's concentrating very hard on not having a response to all this talk. It's not that the topic is even explicitly sexual, but to an academic mind like Remus's, well, it's certainly enough.]

I, ah. I knew that, actually. [Remus chuckles.] Werewolf. But I suppose I didn't consider it might be the same case now.

[He swallows down his trepidation, and then:]

And...newts...?

[meteorman]

Ah! Well. Normally a male newt would only possess a cloaca and nothing resembling a penis at all, but most newts are also not over ten feet long.

Which is to say, I think this curse took as many liberties with my genitalia as it did with liberally mixing different species of urodela. If anything I'd say the current setup is more reptilian, with genitalia stored inside the cloaca, though unlike most reptiles I only have the one.

[This is a relevant scientific discussion and there's nothing blue about it.]

[moonshined]

Oh! Right. Of course. [He's read enough about amphibious magical creatures, he ought to know that. But he's a little...distracted.

But then something catches in his brain and won't let go, and he's shaking his head quickly.]

Wait, wait, wait. Only one? As in—?

[As in there's the possibility of two.



And suddenly he's pretty sure his dick hasn't vanished.]

[meteorman]

As in most reptiles have two, though they tend to only actually use one-- ah.

[Alright see this is where he has just enough understanding of how to act like a normal person to know not to look. It's not like he hasn't seen this sort of thing before, there'd be no need to stare. He doesn't look away, mind you. He keeps his eyes on Remus's face and just doesn't look down.]

You see? Exactly where it should be.

[moonshined]

[Well, this is it, this is actually how he dies.

Remus's front set of legs squinch right up to try and cover his situation as best as they can. His face is very, very warm; he feels like he's going through puberty all over again.]

Right. Right, of course, yes, that's....right.

[Very smooth. Very eloquent.]

[meteorman]

[Good lord, this poor awkward boy. Given his age Ford supposes it's to be expected. He hasn't yet hit the point of just not giving a shit that being sixty-nine has elevated Ford to.

This is the point where he should probably offer to leave so Remus can deal with that problem, except that he has eyes and knows Remus won't be able to reach it. Short of grinding up against the furniture, he's kind of stuck. Whoops. Shouldn't have talked in such detail about cloacas, huh?]

I can't hep but feel as though that's my fault. I can assure you I wasn't making a concentrated effort.

[Option two is flirt. Kind of badly, but, like.]

[moonshined]

No! No, it's not—I'm a young lad, hormones and all that.

[Why is he contemplating how attractive a man easily fifty years older than him is? This place really is getting to him, isn't it?

His face splits into a mischievous grin]

...Though, well, you certainly didn't help.

[meteorman]

[Oh! Oh, okay, see, Ford Pines is sometimes bad at reading people. He was beginning to worry he'd genuinely made the poor lad uncomfortable, but that grin surely means he's fine. Right? That's not an awkward or nervous smile, he'd like to think he can tell the difference. That smile's a go-ahead if it's anything.]

I could. If you would rather not take care of that on your own.

[moonshined]

[Remus's grin doesn't waver, just grows a little...sheepish, if you will. Against the floor, his fluffy sheep's tail thumps a couple of times.]

I...might be amenable to that. If it isn't too much trouble. I don't think I can reach, you see.

[meteorman]

[He didn't come into this castle looking to get laid, honest, but he can't leave this room without having to worry about guards and frankly Remus' company is enjoyable enough that he doesn't want to.]

Yes, I'd had that thought. I ran into a similar problem upon preliminary, ah. Examination. But I think there may be a very efficient solution.

[moonshined]

[Remus lets out a breathy little laugh. It seems they're in a similar boat, especially given how much longer Ford's body is than his own. One's spine can only curl up so far, he supposes.

Intrigued, he pushes himself to all four feet, hands clasped tightly in front of him to keep from wringing them the way he very dearly wants to.]

Oh? And—what's that?

[meteorman]

[It doesn't help that his spine is more comfortable going side to side, either. He can curl up to an extent but it's just not what his body likes doing. It wants to wiggle.]

Well, if I had to estimate, we match up well-enough lengthwise that if we were to position ourselves carefully there'd be no trouble at all reaching each other.

[Like... he's bad at social situations and all but he does at least know you don't try and go balls-deep the first time you meet someone in-person. At least, not when they're in a body they aren't used to and clearly still getting a feel for sex in general.]

[moonshined]

Oh—!

[Remus glances down at himself, and then gives Ford's lower half another long look. He nods, seems to figure that it works well enough.]

I think that would work out just fine, yes.

[He swallows the lump in his throat, and takes a few halting steps toward Ford.]