September Event: Creature Feature

[loveskulls]

And now, for something a little different.

The town crier, now a centaur, had a bit of fascinating news for all those who would gather round to hear him. And you will gather round, because he seems to be one of the only ones who knows what’s going on. Some moments after you drank water this day, you may have noticed a sudden shift in body parts. Perhaps you have horse legs, or wings, or a horse tail, or extra eyes, maybe too few eyes, or perhaps hooves— A lot of creatures are part horse, aren’t they?

The town crier does his duty and tells you the tale. As it happens, a wizard of local dubious renown was seen fleeing the town early this morning. Long time locals knew this to be a sign of terribleness to come. At the scene of the crime was a discarded bucket with a sludgey residue inside. This was initially nothing that caused alarm. There were many buckets of sludge around town. Yet when the investigations began, the Mistress quickly deduced that the sludge was a horrific transmogrification potion.

She has called all suspicious persons to her castle for questioning. Ordinarily, she would allow this to slide. If the people of her town want to make one another miserable, then they are at liberty to do so. But, this was personal.

Your much beloved Mistress was looking rather more furry than usual. From head-to-toe she was covered in long, silky, fur— much befitting for the most beautiful yeti in all the land.

Will you answer her call? Are you stuck in some predicament that does not allow you to attend? Or have you lost your legs entirely?

[[OOC: The ooc for this event is over here]]

Comments

[moonshined]

[For his part, Remus is a lot less calm and collected about this whole animal business. It's like taking animal-based Polyjuice and getting Splinched all in one go, except now he's just some sort of demented, sheep-based Centaur, and the irony of that is not at all lost on him. But most of all, he's having a small panic because A, he does not know how to undo this, and B, he's terrified he might have lost his bits in the process of changing over. And being laid out the way he is, he's not really sure of the best way to go about that, because he's got two too many limbs and not much semblance of a bottom that works like a human's would.

Which is why, when Ford bursts into his quarters, he'll find Remus Lupin on the middle of the rug, flat on his woolly back, trying desperately to bend forward enough that he can inspect that on Earth is going down in between his back legs. It takes him just a moment to register exactly what's going on—there's a stranger in his room and he's in an incredibly compromising position—and then he's flailing, panicked, trying to get back into a more normal position.]

So—so sorry, I just, got stuck, a bit.....

[meteorman]

[Oh my god

It might have taken a normal man a couple of seconds to put together exactly what he was seeing, but Ford is not a normal man and he's used to assessing situations very quickly (though not always correctly). There are a couple of different possible explanations for what he just walked in on, and he's not sure which of them he ought to react to because for fuck's sake he can't read people and he doesn't know which is the most probable.]

Stuck. I'd wager those legs are new?

[That's going around lately, huh?

He does not, by the way, apologize at all for barging into someone else's private quarters without permission.]

[moonshined]

Er—yes. Very.

[He's still flailing, but another moment or two has Remus flopping onto his side, breathing hard. His hooves waggle feebly on the ends of his feet, and then he gives up altogether.

Looking—dare I say it—sheepish, Remus looks up at the older man and seems to realize for the first time that he is very much not all the way human.]

Oh, gosh. You're—a newt? Do newts come in pink?

[meteorman]

Axolotls do, and I would say given these -- [He reaches up and gently flicks one of the pink, frond-like gills that poke out from either side of his face] -- that I am at least twenty percent axolotl. Many of the other afflicted parties I have met have found themselves suddenly sporting identifiable animal parts; this curse got a little more creative where I was concerned.

[Because of course it did. That's just what he has to expect at this point. At least he's not gold-- some axolotls and newts do come in a nice, healthy golden color. He dodged a bullet, really.]

Want a hand up, my boy?

[moonshined]

Merlin's Beard.

[Those certainly are some gills. Remus lets out a polite laugh, bracing his human arms against the floor.]

Apparently so. I'm afraid it has a rather ironic sense of humour, too.

[Something niggles at him in the way the man offers him a helping hand, but Remus doesn't quite make the connection yet.]

Ah—yes, please. Thanks so much. Still getting used to...everything.

[meteorman]

[Merlin's...? That sure is an expression. He kind of likes it.]

Ironic?

[He reaches down with a six-fingered hand, bracing his solid legs in preparation. Sure, most of this kid's body is wool now, but wool is heavy in its own way. He'll need a little leverage.]

I did own an axolotl, once, but I wouldn't consider that ironic.

[moonshined]

[It's very common in Remus's world; he doesn't even consider it noteworthy.

He takes Ford's hand, which he notices is exceptional but is practiced and polite enough not to gawk at, and with only a little struggling gets himself to all four feet.]

Phew. Thought I'd never get upright again. As for the irony—ah, have you ever heard the phrase 'a wolf in sheep's clothing'?

[meteorman]

[It all clunks into place, suddenly and with great clarity. Ford's expression lights up not unlike the way it does when he solves a particularly difficult equation.]

Remus Lupin?

[moonshined]

[Remus is...not used to peoples' faces lighting up like that when they look at him. He gives a half-startled laugh.]

Yeah! Yes, that's me. And you—you're not Doctor Pines, are you?

[meteorman]

The very same.

[He was not expecting Remus Lupin to be kind of cute. Cute and a wizard and a werewolf! Incredible.]

I'm a lot less pink normally, of course. Only two legs. Not that I mind spending some time quadrupedal.

[moonshined]

[Remus chuckles politely, and gestures down at his own wooly lower half.]

Likewise. It's...taking some adjusting to. But I must say, I am quite warm.

[meteorman]

I'll bet. You have your own built-in sweater.

You don't mind if I stay in here for a while, do you? I'm avoiding the guards. Technically much of this castle is very off-limits to me.

[Technically in that he can go anywhere he damn pleases so long as he doesn't get caught.]

[moonshined]

Precisely!

[Remus glances around for a moment, thinking, and then shrugs his thin shoulders.]

I don't see why not. I haven't got anywhere pressing to be. And now that we've finally met, we can talk properly!

[meteorman]

Exactly my thought.

[Ford settles his stocky legs beneath him. The difference between standing and sitting isn't too great in this form but he wouldn't consider that an issue so much as something to become accustomed to.]

I apologize for taking up, ah... a good sixty percent of your floorspace. The one downside to this new lower body is it isn't terribly compact.

[moonshined]

[Remus laughs politely, watching Ford settle in, and likewise, his two back legs fold with only a little trouble so he can sit on his wooly bottom with his front pair of sheep legs tucked neatly in the middle.]

That's quite alright. I wasn't exactly planning on doing gymnastics in here at the moment. Are you alright out of the water? You're not going to....dry out?

i'm not sorry

[meteorman]

Oh, I don't think so, no. I don't feel uncomfortably dry.

[He'll be keeping tabs on it just to be sure, but he's been an amphibian for most of the day and he hasn't started craving water yet.

Well. That's not strictly true. He does have a very strong urge to find some mud and snuggle down in it, but that isn't a life or death sort of thing.]

No more gymnastics, though? You've given up looking for your penis?

[He knows what you were doing, bucko, you didn't just Fall Over. He's got eyes.]

rip in fuck

[moonshined]

Good, good.

[Remus is about to open his mouth to say something else when Ford goes on, and suddenly his face feels very warm; the urge to melt into the floor is very strong right now, and if he still had the ability to Apparate, he would likely do so. As it is, he sits stock upright, his hooves clattering against the floor in his surprise.]

I—that isn't...!

[Oh, sod it. Ford is right, after all, that's exactly what he'd been doing. Remus buries his face in his hands, his curly horns sticking out to either side.]

...Yes.

[meteorman]

[Man, being young and swimming in hormones sure is a trip. Thank god he's past that. I mean he's still swimming in hormones but it's like the difference between someone who only knows how to doggy paddle and someone who can butterfly at the olympic level.]

There's no shame in it, my boy. When one is in a whole new body it's only prudent to take stock of everything that's changed.

[moonshined]

[His cheeks burning, Remus lifts his face slowly from his hands, his eyes rolled straight up to stare at the ceiling.]

Yes, I just...wanted to make sure it was all there. Never have had a sheep’s bits before.

[Someone please kill him.]

[meteorman]

I can't imagine it could have gone anywhere.

[Dicks don't just get up and walk away. At least, not unless someone puts a curse on you.]

Mine certainly didn't.

[It's... joke? Humor puts people at ease, right?

???]

[moonshined]

Well—best to make sure. Just in case.

[Remus blinks a couple of times, and one hand lifts to rub at the back of his neck.]

I'm very glad for you. That would be...upsetting, I imagine.

[Oh, for fuck's sake, Remus, stop blushing. Just because an attractive older man is talking to you about cocks doesn't mean anything at all.]

[meteorman]

Oh, in the grand scheme of things, not really. I've heard that isn't much of a stumbling block here, with fucksmiths on every corner.


And anyway I prefer to bottom.

[moonshined]

[If he didn't already want to die, he certainly does now. Holy hell. This man is...forward. Or oblivious. A combination of the two? Honestly, Remus can't figure it out.]

Oh. R-right, of course. Yes. I imagine that...it wouldn't much matter, in that case.

[meteorman]

Not really, no.

[It definitely is a little of the two. Mainly, he is far past the age where he thinks it's necessary to skirt around this sort of thing. There's a time and a place, sure, but this is an entire universe built around promiscuity. It's practically currency here. If not here, where should he be frank?

Besides, he's just talking about it. It's not like it's a direct proposition... though to be fair he probably wouldn't do that any more delicately.]

Anyway! I think the solution to your problem is simpler than it may appear. Many male mammals keep their genitalia in a sheath when not in use. I'm not intimately familiar with sheep in particular but I would wager a guess it hasn't gone anywhere, merely retracted.

[moonshined]

[Remus is having a damn hard time concentrating on the conversation at hand right now; mainly because he's concentrating very hard on not having a response to all this talk. It's not that the topic is even explicitly sexual, but to an academic mind like Remus's, well, it's certainly enough.]

I, ah. I knew that, actually. [Remus chuckles.] Werewolf. But I suppose I didn't consider it might be the same case now.

[He swallows down his trepidation, and then:]

And...newts...?